Finding the Lost
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: As Susan becomes more distant, her siblings are more determined to find out what is wrong, and get back the Susan who was a Queen of Narnia. A series of one-shots. Eventual spoilers for 'The Last Battle'.
1. Family Meeting

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Pevensies, Narnian characters, or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis. **

**Author's note: The quotes below are from my other story, 'By Will Alone'. **

* * *

"_We'll always be there for each other."_

"_And if one of us should get lost, the others will help them."_

* * *

Peter often noticed when there was discord among his family. He was usually the first to notice it, perhaps because he was always, though unconsciously, looking for any signs of trouble. It was in his nature to do so.

The issue at hand was Susan. Susan had, actually, been drifting away from them for a long while, but Peter hadn't had the chance to really confront her about it. There had been other problems to deal with. Now that they were dealt with, however, Peter really wanted to move on to his sister and her problems. At the moment, however, Susan was not home. Peter decided that, since this was bothering him so much, he would consult his two younger siblings. Between the three of them, they were bound to come up with a way to deal with their sister.

Peter found Lucy in the kitchen and told her, "I'm having a family meeting. Tell Edmund and meet me in my room in five minutes."

"Family meeting?" Lucy asked. "Is everything alright?"

"Fine," Peter said. "And I should say sibling meeting, since our parents won't be involved in this." Lucy nodded, and Peter left for his room so that he might gather his thoughts.

A few moments later his two younger siblings entered the room. Edmund sat on his own bed and Lucy sat on Peter's, and before Peter could open his mouth Edmund said, "It's about Susan."

Lucy looked at Peter, who was feeling quite startled at having been found out, and then said, "Well, then I'm glad. I haven't known how to bring it up."

"It doesn't matter," Peter said. "We've been quite otherwise occupied these past few months-" and here Edmund gave his siblings a small, slightly uncomfortable grin, "-and as a result this whole issue with Susan hasn't been given much thought. That hasn't stopped me, and you two as well, I'm sure, from noticing certain things. For instance, she's referred to Narnia as a game."

"I can't believe she said that," Lucy interrupted, looking suddenly angry. "How can anyone think Narnia a game once they've been there? I know she wasn't comfortable talking about Narnia before, but I never knew she thought of it as a game."

"That isn't possible," Edmund said suddenly. "She can't actually, truly believe that Narnia was a game. She's just…in denial, I think. Perhaps she's upset that we can't go back."

"That's a bit understandable," Peter said slowly, "but we _all_ can't go back, and we don't have such hard feelings about it."

"Or maybe," Lucy said, somewhat miserably, "She really does think it to be childish and really _wants_ to forget it, so that she can be more grown-up."

"That's terrible," Peter muttered, although he didn't think it was outside the realm of possibilities.

"We did promise we'd help each other in the event that one of us needed help," Edmund reminded them. "I say that Susan needs help."

"I second that opinion," Peter agreed. "I won't stop trying until Susan realizes that this whole thing about Narnia being a game is very silly."

"I'll help you with that," Edmund said. "After all, Narnia is simply _not_ something limited to when we were children. We grew up there!"

"I will, as well," Lucy joined in. "All I want is my sister back, the one who was a Gentle Queen of Narnia. It seems there's less and less of her around these days. She's been replaced by someone who only cares for parties and make-up and boyfriends…"

"You have no idea how many times I've wished I've had my sword around her boyfriends," Peter muttered.

Edmund laughed. "You have no idea how many times I've wished I've had a sword in general."

"You boys and your swords," Lucy laughed. Peter took his pillow and hit her with it.

"Oh, and I'm sure you don't miss your cordial?" he said with a wry smile.

Lucy took the second pillow that was on the bed and wacked Peter with it. "I do! But my cordial is more useful then your swords."

"I'd beg to differ," Edmund said, lunging into the fray with a pillow of his own, somehow managing to hit both Peter and Lucy and receiving a flurry of blows in return.

This pillow fight might have gone on for quite awhile. Everyone was laughing and no one seemed to want it to end. It was one of those moments where, for a while, the three siblings weren't thinking of anything but how much fun they were having, and the happiness reminded them of Narnia. Yet, remembering exactly what had led to them being together in the first place, Lucy suddenly pulled away and lamented, "I'm sure Susan wishes she has her horn with her."

Peter let the words sink in and he and Edmund stopped their fight abruptly, and turned to look at Lucy.

"Wished," Edmund said quietly. Peter turned to him in confusion and he clarified, "If she really thinks Narnia is a game, she's not going to wish for her horn anymore."

"Unless she does in secret," Lucy said, and suddenly her face lit up. "Oh, I hope she does! Because if she still wishes, that means that a part of her still believes in Narnia, and perhaps we'll be able to get her to open up!" She smiled and stood up. "I'm sure if we can talk to her we can get her to stop being so angry that we left Narnia, and then she'll be the Susan I knew." With that sentiment, Lucy left the room.

"It won't be that easy," Edmund said, his face solemn. "It's never that easy."

"You never know," Peter said hesitantly. "Lucy could be right."

"Lucy could be right," Edmund repeated. He frowned and twisted the edge of his pillow in his hands. "Or she could be wrong. Susan…can be stubborn. We're all a bit stubborn, you know. And…it has to be hard to think Narnia is a game. Which means that it has to be doubly hard to believe in it again." He sighed. "This is going to be hard. I just don't want Lucy to get hurt. I miss Susan, too."

"We all do," Peter agreed, sighing and standing up. "We'll just have to do our best. We promised each other." Edmund nodded in agreement, and although Peter hated to admit it, he knew his younger brother was right. It wasn't going to be easy. Not for them, and not for Susan. He wasn't particularly looking forward to it, but he knew it was necessary.

He could only hope that Susan eventually saw the truth.


	2. Small Attempt

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Summer 1946_

As much as she tried not to show it, Lucy was hurt by Susan's departure from the family. She couldn't understand why Susan was being the way she was, and it hurt her to think about it. Narnia meant so much to them. Why couldn't it still mean that much to Susan?

Lucy didn't like to think of her sister as mean, or anything even resembling it, but she couldn't help but notice that Susan hadn't exactly been _nice_. And her brothers were right—Susan wasn't the same person she had been. Lucy, however, was sure that everything could be fixed with a talk. After all, the same person or not, Susan was still her sister, and the old Susan still _had_ to be in there somewhere. She knew it.

The phone was in the kitchen, and no one else was there. Lucy took her opportunity and hurried downstairs. She knew she wouldn't be able to do it with anyone else around. She picked up the phone, a little hesitantly, and dialed Susan's number.

The phone rang a total of three times before Susan picked up. "Hello?"

Lucy's heart lifted a bit at the sound of her older sister's voice. "Susan! It's me, Lucy."

"Lucy?" Susan repeated, sounding slightly concerned. "Why are you calling? Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong," Lucy said, which was technically true. Nothing was wrong with _her_. Susan was the one with the problem.

"Did you want to talk about something?" Susan asked.

"As long as you're not busy," Lucy said. She waited with baited breath, hoping that Susan was free that night.

"I've a party to go to later," Susan said, "but there's time to talk now. How is everything?"

"Everything is fine," Lucy said. "It's a lovely summer, if you haven't noticed."

"I noticed," Susan laughed. "How are Peter and Edmund?"

"They're good. How are you?"

"Good," Susan answered. There was a bit of a pause, in which Lucy debated what to say. Then Susan broke it by adding, "I'm sure you didn't just call me to make small talk, Lucy. Is there something on your mind?"

There were, in fact, a lot of things on her mind, but Lucy wasn't sure what to say or how to say it. She couldn't very well bring up Narnia first, as Susan would surely hang up. Instead, she brought up something else that she had been wondering. "Do you like it?"

"Do I like what?"

Lucy blushed when she realized that Susan wouldn't automatically know what she was talking about. She clarified, "Do you really like going to all those parties? Do you really like those guys that you date?"

"Like it?" Susan repeated, sounding confused. "Why wouldn't I like it, Lucy?"

"I don't know why," Lucy admitted. "All I know is that Peter doesn't like it, and he's older than you. He doesn't like the parties, I mean. Not that I've ever been to one, but do you really find them…_fun_?"

"Of course I find them fun," Susan said briskly. "Why would I go if I didn't?"

Why would she? Lucy frowned. _Well, people do a lot of things they don't find fun_, she thought. Why? "Well," she said slowly, "perhaps it's because people might think you odd if you _didn't_ go, or at least your friends might. Not all people go to parties, you know."

"Most people do," Susan said. "And it _is_ fun, Lucy. Once you come to be my age, you'll see. Trust me."

Lucy held the phone closer to her ear and bit down on her lip, another thought gnawing at her. "But Susan," she said quietly, "are the parties as good as…?" And then, to her own horror, she found she couldn't finish the question. She knew it was because she was afraid of how Susan would react. She didn't want to get into a fight. At the same time, she wanted to know.

"As good as what?" Susan asked slowly, and the edge in her voice only served to make Lucy feel worse.

"As good as in Narnia?" Lucy nearly whispered.

There was silence from the other end. Lucy debated whether she should say something or not. Clearly, Susan did not want Narnia to be mentioned. Clearly, Lucy hadn't been prepared to confront her sister, and clearly she had no idea what she was doing. Lucy wished it were different. Finally, Susan started, "Lucy-" but it was in a tone that Lucy did not like at all, one that sounded both angry and a bit condescending.

"Forget it," Lucy interrupted.

"Yes, let's," Susan agreed, and Lucy's heart sank, because she hadn't wanted Susan to agree so quickly, or at all. "I have to go get ready. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Okay," Lucy muttered, and she hung up the phone before Susan could say anything else.

Thinking she was still alone, Lucy let out a groan of frustration, but in fact Peter had just walked rather quietly into the kitchen. He stopped short upon hearing Lucy groan and then, almost delicately, asked, "Lucy? Are you okay?"

Lucy's head shot up and she nearly screamed from shock when she saw her brother standing there. "Peter! I had no idea you were home!"

"Lucy, what happened?" Peter asked, walking over and looking very concerned.

"Oh, I tried to talk to Susan," Lucy told him miserably. "I thought I could fix this and it turns out I have no idea what I'm doing."

For some reason, Peter looked extremely saddened at this, and he embraced his sister, pulling her tightly against him. "Oh, Lu," he murmured, "I never wanted you to have to do this."

"Do what?" Lucy asked, her voice muffled as she buried her face in his shoulder.

Peter pulled away from her, still looking sad. "I never wanted you to see how difficult this whole business with Susan would be," he said. "You seemed to have so much faith and hope and I didn't want you to get hurt."

"It did hurt," Lucy admitted, "but I feel more like it's because I failed, rather than it being Susan's fault. I didn't approach it right."

"No, it isn't anyone's fault," Peter assured her. "I just…wish it were easier than this. I'm sorry, Lu."

"It's fine," Lucy said, smiling a little. "We can still try, you know. Queen Susan has to still be in there, somewhere. I don't think she would just completely disappear."

Peter smiled and ruffled his little sister's hair. "I'm glad this hasn't deterred you, Lu," he said. "I'm proud of you for trying."

"Thanks," Lucy muttered, blushing a little. "I think there's going to be a lot of trying."

The small sigh that Peter gave did not escape Lucy's notice. She knew that he was thinking of Susan, and of how hard they might have to try. She decided to reassure him, though the words she spoke were also partly for herself; "Don't worry so much. No matter how long it takes, we'll get her back. I'm sure we'll get her back."

Lucy wished the reality of it were as easy as it sounded.


	3. Long Night

**Disclaimer: The Pevensies, Narnia, ect. are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Summer 1946_

Peter and Edmund had been visiting Susan at her flat when she decided to bring up a subject that the elder of the two was not fond of; "I think it would benefit you greatly, Peter, if you had a girlfriend."

When Susan said these words, Edmund, who was sitting with them in the kitchen of Susan's apartment, burst out laughing. Peter looked horrified, and he sputtered a few unintelligible things before thinking of a response.

"Su, it's not as easy as that," he managed to say. This caused Edmund to laugh a bit harder and Susan to give him a sharp look.

"Don't think you're in the clear," she said. "If I recall correctly, you don't have a girlfriend either."

"I don't," Edmund said, smiling, "and I don't need one. I have more _important_ things to worry about than having a girlfriend."

"At your age?" Susan asked, raising her eyebrows.

"He's trying to become top of his class," Peter explained with a small smile. "He thinks a girlfriend would be too distracting."

"Oh, I don't think so," Susan said. "If you find the right girl it won't be so distracting."

"Where would I find one, anyway?" Edmund asked. "I mean, it's easier for Peter—he _has_ girls at his school. My school is an all boys' school. The only females are teachers and I think even you, Susan, would disapprove of that."

Susan frowned slightly and seemed to think on this for a bit. Then she said, "Why don't you come to a dance? A good age range of people go, and both you and Peter will be likely to find a girl there."

"No," Peter said, firmly. "I am not going to a dance. And neither is Edmund. He's too young-"

"I'm too _young_!" Edmund repeated, rather sarcastically. "Oh yes, Peter, as someone who has grown up and seen and done things most people our age wouldn't even _dream_ of, I'm too _young_. _That_ is nonsense." Peter gave him a hard look that might have been a glare and jerked his head towards Susan. Edmund only shrugged his shoulders in apology.

"I've seen people Edmund's age at these parties," Susan said, choosing to ignore Edmund's last statement. "They're thrown by our neighbors, even. Surely you don't want to miss out on that fun."

"I don't think we're missing anything," Edmund said. "The dances here are not nearly as good as-" Here, Peter glared at him, causing him to stop mid-sentence. "What I mean to say," Edmund amended quickly, "is that Lucy would be terribly upset if we all went off somewhere and didn't invite her. And although no one is denying her level of maturity, she would be seen as too young in other peoples' eyes."

"There is a dance tonight," Susan said, seeming to ignore what her brother had said a second time. "You two should come."

"Clearly, you're not going to stop asking us to come to one of these things until we do," Peter said, frowning.

"Clearly not," Susan agreed. "So will you?"

"Fine," Peter said, grudgingly. "I cannot guarantee that I'll have a good time. If I don't, please do not ask me to go to another."

"Fine," Susan said. "You will have a good time, I'm sure. I'll be with you. I'll introduce you to some good friends." She smiled and turned to her younger brother. "Edmund?"

Edmund was looking thoughtful. "Can I bring a friend?" Susan nodded. "Great, then. I suppose you'll be driving us?"

Susan nodded. "I'll pick you up at seven. Is that good?" The two boys nodded. "Wonderful."

On the drive home, Peter turned to Edmund and said, "You'd think parties were more important to Susan than anything else."

"They are," Edmund said, frowning. "It never used to be that way. She really has changed. She's acting like every other girl her age…" He trailed off. "I wish Lucy had come with us."

"Lucy couldn't miss her dentist appointment," Peter pointed out. "She really did want to come. And when she finds out that we're going to a dance, I doubt she'll be too happy."

"She'll want to come," Edmund said with a sigh. He shook his head, trying to clear it of thoughts. "We'll just have to indulge Susan for awhile. Maybe once she sees that we're not going to buy into her way of life, she'll come around."

Peter also sighed, and then he looked miserable. "I _really_ don't want to go to this party."

"Neither do I," Edmund said. "Why do you think I asked to bring a friend?"

* * *

"You two look…well, you two look…different," Lucy said, taking in both her brothers' appearances.

"I knew this wasn't good," Edmund muttered, adjusting his tie and trying not to look as uncomfortable as he really was. "Lucy, you must know that I don't want to do this at all. We're doing it for Susan."

"I wish I could go," Lucy said wistfully.

"You wouldn't want to," Peter assured her, squirming slightly in his suit-jacket. "I don't understand why we must get so dressed up for these things."

"Part of growing up, Peter," Edmund said, doing an impression of Susan.

"Only in Susan's world, it is," Peter mumbled. The three siblings made their way downstairs, and he added, "I would feel so much better with a crown on my head."

"I feel the same way," Edmund muttered, smirking. "And I'd like a sword at my side." Peter smirked as well.

The doorbell rang, and Edmund quickly answered the door. A few seconds later he came into the living room, where Peter and Lucy were sitting, with his friend Christopher, who looked just as uncomfortable as the two Pevensie brothers. "Good evening," he said, smiling a bit.

"I wish it were," Edmund muttered, motioning for his friend to sit down.

Lucy sat across from Christopher and smiled at him. She greatly enjoyed his company because he was the only one she knew who had never been to Narnia, yet knew about it and believed in it. "You know, they never looked this miserable when we had parties at Cair Paravel," she told him, grinning. "Or at least, Peter didn't. Edmund has never liked large gatherings."

Christopher laughed. "I gather the parties in Narnia were better than the ones here, then?" he asked.

"_Much_ better," Edmund said. "Though if you talked to Susan she would try and convince you otherwise."

Just as he said those words the doorbell rang, and the three boys stood up. "Here goes nothing," Peter muttered. He and Edmund kissed and hugged Lucy goodnight (and she insisted she would stay up until they returned) and then left.

Susan was wearing a lot of make-up. That was the first thing that came to mind as Peter greeted his sister. She was wearing a black dress that looked pretty, and she herself looked beautiful, although in both brothers' opinions, not as beautiful as she had looked in Narnia. Peter frowned at Edmund as they got into the car, inclining his head towards Susan, and Edmund shrugged a bit helplessly. Then the car started and they were headed towards the dance.

* * *

"I am disappointed by much of the things in this world," Edmund told Christopher later on, as they both stood to the side of the dance floor, observing everyone else with slight interest. "This would be no exception."

"I wish I knew," Christopher said. He scanned the room. "Why are we here again?"

"To accompany Peter and satisfy Susan," Edmund explained. "She thinks I don't socialize enough. She says I need to mature and stop talking with Peter and Lucy about silly, childish things like Narnia and Aslan and what-not. She says I need to become more like everyone else my age. She says the same things to Peter and I'm sure she'll start saying them to Lucy." His voice was bitter. "I'm afraid of that. Lucy will be crushed if Susan says those things to her." He laughed, though it was rather humorless. "These people on the dance floor are much less mature than Peter, or Lucy, or myself. Susan is even more mature than them—I don't understand why she would lower herself like this. I suppose she's being rather immature, accusing us of being childish." He glanced sideways at Christopher. "I'm sorry. I've gone off on quite the rant."

"It's fine," Christopher said. "Where do you think Peter has got to?"

"Over there," Edmund said, and he pointed to a group of people near the edge of the dance floor. Susan was among them, and she was talking enthusiastically. Peter was next to her, looking as if he would rather be anywhere else in the world but where he was. "Should we intervene?"

Christopher looked rather amused. "Only if you want Susan to drag us in," he replied.

"We could always try," Edmund said, and together they set off to rescue Peter, who in any other situation would have insisted that he did not need rescuing.

As they got closer to the group that Peter was in, Christopher leaned in to Edmund and nearly whispered, "The girls seem pretty taken by him."

Edmund laughed. "He doesn't seem taken by them, though." They pushed through several more people and finally managed to edge between Peter and a girl that none of them knew.

Peter looked pleasantly surprised and Susan looked slightly annoyed. She asked, "Edmund, what are you doing here?"

"Why, you invited me," Edmund said with a grin. "I'm socializing."

Susan looked even more annoyed as her own words were thrown back at her. Peter however, mouthed, "Thank you," and then leaned into his brother and whispered, "Can you think of a way to get us out of here?"

Edmund shook his head. "I don't have a car. Susan drove us, remember?"

Peter let out a soft groan. Susan nudged him and then said to Edmund, "Why don't you and your friend go dance?"

"Why don't you?" Edmund countered. "I don't feel like dancing. You looked like you were having a lot of fun, and Christopher and I decided that we would like to see what this was all about."

"You're too young," Susan said, her eyes narrowing.

"Not too young to be at this party," Edmund pointed out. "Not too young to have a girlfriend. Not too young to…do a lot of things."

The meaning of the last part was not lost on Susan, and she looked furious. "Edmund," she said, her voice dangerously low. "Go elsewhere."

"Perhaps I don't want to," Edmund said. "That is, unless you let Peter come with us."

Susan glanced at Peter, who nodded, and then she let out a frustrated groan. "Fine," she snapped. "Just go."

Edmund and Christopher led Peter to the other side of the room, back to where they had been standing before, and Peter immediately sat in a chair. "Thank you," he said, looking extremely grateful. "I don't understand."

"Understand what?" Christopher asked. He and Edmund sat down on either side of Peter.

"Understand everything," Peter said. "Susan is so different from how she used to be. She and her friends talk of nothing but guys and fashion and things that are nice, but they aren't important as other things. Take me and Edmund for example: we can talk about things like history and philosophy and debate about them, and Lucy can as well. Lucy doesn't spend so much time on boys and fashion. I don't understand."

"I think you do," Edmund said. "You just can't believe it happened. We all know that Susan was upset at not being allowed back in Narnia. We just never dreamed that it would lead to her…forgetting it, or denying it."

Peter sighed and looked around. "Now I know how Lucy feels. I can't believe that Queen Susan and this Susan are the same person. I miss her."

"Don't we all," Edmund muttered.

"Have you tried talking to her?" asked Christopher.

"No," Edmund said. "Not so directly, at least. I don't think she would listen."

"It's worth a shot," Christopher said. "She might listen. She might surprise you."

Edmund nodded. "We've been meaning to talk to her. Lucy tried already, and it was rather unsuccessful because Susan bristles at the smallest mention of Narnia."

"Well," Christopher said, and it was clear that he had no more advice to offer.

Peter leaned back and sighed. "It's going to be a _long_ night."

And it was.


	4. Growing Up

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Christmas Holiday, 1946_

Edmund sat in his room, knees drawn up to his chest, waiting. He hated waiting more than anything, and it disturbed him that he would have to wait so long, or that he even worried enough to wait. The new lifestyle of his sister scared him quite a bit, mostly because it was so different from anything he had ever known before. Staying out late and going out with all sorts of boys was something that Edmund would rather not have her doing. As she got older everything got worse. He glanced at the bed next to him and frowned. Peter was not in the room. Peter should have been in the room. He stood up, knowing that if Peter was still downstairs it meant he was also waiting for Susan.

Sure enough, he was sitting in the living room, looking older than he was. He glanced up upon Edmund's entrance and smiled a bit. "Hullo, Ed," he said quietly. "I suppose you're waiting as well."

Edmund gave him a rather thin smile. "Of course," he said. "I was awake the whole time, you know. You could have come up."

"I figured I'd catch her on the way in," Peter said. "Otherwise I could miss her."

"I do hope nothing happened," Edmund said. "That's my biggest fear, that she'll do something stupid or one of her boyfriends will do something stupid and then she'll get hurt. The parties have been getting wilder since last summer."

"Susan is getting older," Peter pointed out, and Edmund nodded.

"Still," he said, "she should have more sense than that. Perhaps we have prolonged talking about Narnia with her a little _too_ long."

"She wouldn't listen," Peter said with a sigh. "No one knows how to bring it up."

"I could use Christopher," Edmund said, smiling slightly. "He, after all, has never been to Narnia and he doesn't think it a childish game. He believes us. He thinks it is the most wonderful thing. If he talked to Susan…"

"You know she wouldn't listen to him," Peter interrupted. "She doesn't think much of him. She thinks he doesn't know how to socialize."

"According to her, none of us do," Edmund muttered. "And yet Lucy can make friends anywhere she goes, with less than half the effort Susan would have to make."

"Right," Peter said. They waited in silence and Edmund wondered exactly what their parents would say if they knew Susan was going out to parties every night. She told them that she was working. They did not question her, because after all, Susan lived on her own now. The only reason she was staying in the Pevensie house was because she had agreed to for Christmas, so that the whole family would be together. Every night she had gotten home late, and now both Peter and Edmund decided that the best policy was to question her about it. Edmund thought she should be spending time with the family rather than with friends while she was staying, but he knew exactly why she wasn't.

Peter checked his watch and muttered, "Two o'clock." Edmund leaned his head against the couch, feeling very tired and at the same time very nervous, a combination which made him feel a bit sick. He shifted his position on the couch restlessly and tried to keep his hands still, but he needed to do something with them. Just as he thought he might go mad, the door creaked open and a shadowy figure crept slowly into the house, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Meanwhile, Peter and Edmund (even more quietly) stood and crossed the room and headed for the door. Susan was taking her shoes off and didn't notice them until Peter said, in a very stern voice, "Susan."

Susan gasped and jumped, nearly falling over. She straightened up and shook hair out of her face. It was so dark that Edmund could not make out her expression. From her voice, however, he could tell she was angry. She said, "Peter! Edmund…What are you doing up?"

"Waiting for you," Peter answered somewhat bitterly. "You have to stop going out every night. We know for a fact you aren't going to work, and while you're staying here you should at least try and spend a little time with your family. Don't you know how worried we've been?"

"You needn't worry over me," Susan said, trying to walk past him, but Peter moved to block her.

"You're our sister," he said evenly. "It is our job to worry."

"I'm an adult, Peter," Susan said. "You can't keep treating me like a child."

"Why not?" Edmund spoke up. "You've been acting like one."

"You would know, wouldn't you?" Susan snapped. Edmund simply glared at her and chose not to respond. He would never let her know it, but remarks like that hurt him deeply. He remembered a time when Susan would never have insulted him.

"Now isn't the time to fight with each other," Peter intervened. "Now is the time to calmly discuss, like _adults_, the issue at hand. The issue is this: Susan, we don't trust these parties you go to, and these boys that you go with."

Susan looked insulted. "You don't trust me?" she asked, her eyes wide. It was then that Edmund caught the smell of alcohol on her breath. He was sure she wasn't drunk, but perhaps she had been tipsy at the party. And the fact that she had even drank alcohol made it possible that she might do it again and _could_ get drunk in the future.

Peter hesitated, and Edmund knew he was going over the same battle he himself had gone through. He trusted the old Susan, Queen Susan, but this new one was so unfamiliar that no one knew what to think. Peter decided on giving a rather safe answer; "I don't trust the boys, or the parties. I know they've been getting more…er…wild."

"You've been drinking," Edmund added. "I can smell it on your breath. What would happen if you got drunk, with those boys around?"

"I don't understand what the purpose of this talk is," Susan said, ignoring the question. "I'm an adult and this is my life. I can do what I please. You two need to stop treating me like a child. Edmund, I'm older than you. And Peter, you should respect me. This conversation is pointless."

She turned to walk away and then Edmund called out to her, "Would you rather we not care?"

She faced Peter and Edmund again, her face contorted with a mixture of emotions. "No," she said slowly. "I would rather that you two grow up and accept the fact that I already have."

"Grow up?" Edmund repeated. "You sure toss that word around a lot, in relation to Peter and Lucy and myself. Susan, we've all grown up a long time ago. You've just forgotten, it seems."

"I haven't_ forgotten_ anything," Susan said, pursing her lips.

"No, you're just having trouble remembering," Edmund said sarcastically. Susan opened her mouth to retort but he overrode her. "If you think parties and boys are what it takes to grow up, then you've got the wrong definition. You know, you used to know what growing up meant. I don't think you do anymore."

"And you do?" Susan asked hotly.

"Yes!" Edmund answered loudly.

"Stop!" Peter said, even more loudly. They both looked at him. He lowered his voice. "We can talk about this later, and not in the middle of the night, because clearly it's going to set off an argument too loud for anyone to stay asleep in. You must remember that other people live here." Edmund felt a pang of guilt and Susan looked indignant. "Now, there is only one thing I want to know this night, and I'm sure Edmund feels the same way."

"There are plenty of things I want to know," Edmund muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Susan, frowning at him, asked, "What?"

Peter looked very grave and he said, in a low voice, looking Susan straight in the eye, "Susan, promise me on your honor that nothing bad happened at any of these parties. Promise me that you've done nothing unbecoming of yourself, or something that Edmund and I might get angry at, or become disappointed with you over. _On your honor_, promise me."

Edmund felt as though he were standing in Cair Paravel with Peter, the High King, talking to one of his subjects. He shivered at the image and tried to get it out of his head, at the same time noticing that Susan in no way reminded him of how she was in Narnia. This disturbed him greatly. He watched Susan's face, looking for any signs of her not being truthful. He was very good at judging character and whether people were lying or not.

Susan gazed steadily into Peter's face and she too looked as if she saw something more than just her older brother. "I promise," she whispered. Then she turned on heel and headed up the stairs.

Peter turned to Edmund, looking weary, and asked, "Well? Was she telling the truth?"

"I'm not so sure she thinks as much of honor as we do," he said, "but at the same time I know she was telling the truth."

Peter breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank the Lion," he said. "There's still hope, then." He ran a hand through his hair and looked around.

"Nothing's changed," Edmund said, more to himself, because he knew that it was true.

"I think it might take a lot more than this," Peter said. "It might be awhile. But…we should be getting to bed."

Edmund followed his brother up the stairs and voiced his thoughts aloud: "Growing up in this world is a lot harder than growing up in Narnia."

"Too true, good brother," Peter muttered.

Edmund, feeling a heavy weight settle in his heart, repeated his brother's words. "Too true."

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks to those who have reviewed already! I hope you're all enjoying this story. A little note on this chapter--the 'honor' part was inspired by a conversation that happened, not to me, but to someone I know (luckily not involving a party), and it just struck me as something Peter would say. Edmund's comment on honor afterwards is actually something I agree with in today's world--not a lot of people think very much of it anymore. **


	5. Christmas Games

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Christmas Day 1946_

Susan looked very surprised to see that her cousin was standing in the doorway when she came downstairs. Lucy smiled and said, "Eustace has arrived. His parents are in the kitchen and so is Peter." And she gave a little grimace, as though she felt sorry for Peter. Edmund looked the same way.

"Why, hullo Susan," Eustace said, smiling at her. "I'm not sure if Lucy and Edmund told you-"

"Eustace!" Edmund said abruptly as Susan frowned slightly. "Can I talk to you a moment?"

"Sure," Eustace said, looking confused. Edmund gave Lucy a significant look and led Eustace up the stairs.

Lucy made to follow, but Susan grabbed her at the last second and asked, "What was that all about?"

"He meant to ask if we'd told you that he changed," Lucy explained quickly, not facing Susan because she wasn't good at lying at Susan would figure her out if she saw her face. "And we didn't tell you, did we?"

"You might have mentioned it," Susan said slowly, searching her memory.

"I-I think Peter will need some company," Lucy said quickly, and she pulled her arm out of Susan's grip and hurried up the stairs before her sister could argue.

The two boys were in Edmund and Peter's room, and Eustace was seated on the bed looking slightly indignant and very confused. "What is going on here?" he asked. "Surely you've told Susan about our trip on the _Dawn Treader_! And the trip Jill and I took to Narnia after that!"

Lucy shut the door quietly behind her. She turned to Eustace and said, softly, "Well, we haven't. Not really."

"Why not?" Eustace asked.

"It isn't the easiest thing to explain or even to understand," Edmund said.

"I'm sure I'll understand it," Eustace said, a bit challengingly, so that now it had to be explained.

"Very well," Edmund replied. He took a deep breath. "Susan has stopped believing in Narnia."

"That's rot!" Eustace burst out, looking very surprised.

"As a result," Edmund continued as though he hadn't heard him, "when we tried to tell her she simply ignored us. I think Lucy might have told her the whole story, but whether she really heard it or remembered it is something that we haven't figured out. I wouldn't go mentioning it to her, though, because she would get cross with us. Today isn't the day for arguing."

Eustace was silent, still staring at Edmund. Then he sat up a little straighter, and Lucy had the impression that he was going to suggest something that he, at least, thought was a very good idea. Which, in fact, he did a few seconds later. "Suppose I were to tell her of Narnia," he said. "I was a perfect little beast before, and she knows how my family is and how I am. I wouldn't just believe in something like Narnia if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. She's heard me tell you two before that it's rubbish."

"He's got a point," Lucy said, starting to feel a bit hopeful. Perhaps Eustace's visit could be useful. "If anyone _wouldn't_ believe in Narnia, it was Eustace. And now that he does, well, she's _got_ to take his word that it's real even if she doesn't believe so herself!"

"I'll talk to her now," Eustace said, standing up to go do just that.

Edmund stepped in front of him and held up his hands. "Now wait a moment," he said sharply. "Susan might not believe you. She thinks Narnia is a game we made up as children, and as much as we aren't children anymore, Eustace is still _younger_ than the rest of us. You know what argument she'll use, Lucy. She'll say that Eustace is still young and more inclined to play a game like that."

Lucy sighed a bit sadly now. "Oh, I suppose it's all for nothing, then," she said quietly. "You're probably right, Edmund. I wish you weren't. Are you sure?" Edmund gave a small nod. "I mean, she might be more open to this type of thing. It's Christmas."

"And since it _is_ Christmas, I don't want any arguments today," Edmund said. "Last Christmas wasn't…the best, and I'd like this one to be better."

Lucy sighed. "Fine," she said. "I suppose it'll have to wait, then." She smiled. "I think Peter might be in need of some rescuing." She moved towards the door and hesitated, waiting.

"Move along, Lu," Edmund told her. "We'll be down in a minute. I just want to talk to Eustace about something." Lucy nodded and decided not to pry. Chances were that it wasn't anything so important. She closed the door behind her and hurried downstairs.

* * *

Once Lucy was gone, Edmund turned to Eustace. "I'd like you to try out your plan on Susan," he said quietly.

"Well if you wanted me to, why didn't you just say so before?" Eustace asked, a touch exasperatedly.

"I didn't want Lucy to get her hopes up," Edmund explained. "You know how she is. And if it doesn't work, and I'm still almost certain it won't, then she'll be heart broken. I don't want her upset on Christmas. You have to do it discreetly. The only reason I'm considering it is because there's still a small chance…"

"I'll do it," Eustace said. Then he took a long look at Edmund. "Are you sure _you_ won't be heart broken if it doesn't work?"

Edmund gave him a thin smile that looked more like a grimace. "I haven't set my expectations that high."

* * *

Eustace had gone to talk to Susan a few minutes ago, and Edmund was keeping himself aware in case anything happened. He listened for any sounds of yelling, and kept his eyes on the stairs so that he would be the first to know who came down. The parents were still in the kitchen. Lucy and Peter were sitting by the tree, and neither knew what was going on. Edmund wasn't about to tell them.

Suddenly there was a stamping noise from upstairs. Edmund stood up and Peter and Lucy gave him questioning looks. He shrugged and said, "You two stay here. I'll take care of it." He said it casually, hoping that this meant they wouldn't think he needed company. Luckily, no one followed him up the stairs.

From the hallway he could hear heated voices, which grew louder when he neared the door to Lucy's room. He sighed and knocked sharply and the voices stopped. The door opened, revealing a red-faced Eustace, who immediately told Edmund, "She had the _audacity_ to call me a _child_!"

"Well, he _is_ one," Susan snapped a little breathlessly. Edmund stepped in and closed the door behind him, all very calmly, as she continued, "He's gotten into believing those games that you play. I never would have thought it, and especially not at this age, but I suppose if Peter can still play those games then someone like Eustace can, too."

Edmund faced her and said, "Do you _really_ think someone as old as Peter or as scientific as Eustace would believe in Narnia unless it was a _real_ place?"

"They're playing a game," Susan replied, her mouth forming a thin line. "I can't believe you'd all still be this childish. Really, Eustace, you ought to know better. You all should really grow up."

"I'm very grown up!" Eustace snapped. "How dare you-"

Here, Edmund touched his arm firmly and interrupted, "You go on thinking it's a game, Susan," in a calm voice that, the way he said it, was very unnerving, and even Susan looked slightly shaken and Eustace stopped trying to talk around him.

Susan seemed to avoid Edmund's eyes. "I will," she said. "It is a game."

"Fine," Edmund said quietly, his eyes pinning her. "It is a game." Yet one could tell by the way he said this that he didn't believe it one bit, and that he was disappointed with Susan for believing it. No doubt Susan felt this disappointment.

Silence continued for a few moments, no one daring to speak. Then, quietly, Edmund grabbed Eustace and turned and exited the room, closing the door behind them. He then turned to Eustace and whispered, fighting to keep his voice even, "_This_ is why I didn't want Lucy to know."

"Are you sure--?" Eustace started to ask, but Edmund cut him off.

"I'm fine," he said thickly, and he swiftly made his way downstairs, leaving behind a very confused cousin.

Susan stepped out of her room a moment later and found Eustace standing there. He regarded her carefully and then said, "Edmund was right. I _don't_ understand." Then he, too, headed down the stairs, leaving Susan alone.


	6. Dear Susan

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Winter-Early Summer 1947_

Dear Susan,

How is everything? How is your job? Do you have a boyfriend? Here at school things aren't so interesting. I don't have a boyfriend (and don't try and tell me you weren't going to ask, because you _always_ ask). We're getting a lot of work and not all of it is very interesting.

Well, _one_ thing was interesting. My English professor gave us an assignment, to write a story. He said it could be fictional or non-fictional, and we didn't have to specify. I wrote about…Narnia. If you like, I can mail you a copy. I haven't gotten a mark on it yet, since it was just handed in yesterday. I spent a long time working on it. I wanted it to be perfect.

I do hope you'll write back. I hardly hear from you at all, and it's still quite a long ways from summer. I can't wait until summer.

Love,

Lucy

* * *

Dear Lucy,

Everything here is fine. I do have a boyfriend named Ronald, and he's quite nice.

I'm sure your English professor loved your story, even if it was about Narnia. I do hope you told him it was fictional. It was a childish game we played; you do realize that, don't you? You needn't mail me a copy—I've heard you and our brothers talking about it enough.

I shall see you over the summer. Perhaps by then you'll have someone special to talk about, too.

Love,

Susan

* * *

Dear Edmund,

I could ask you about school, but that would just be wasting time because there's something I really want to say in this letter. Actually, I will ask, because I feel bad not asking: How is school?

I wrote to Susan recently and told her about an English assignment given to my class to write a story. It could be fiction or non-fiction and I wrote about Narnia. (I didn't tell him which category it fell into…) I got an 'A' on the story, and I offered to mail it to Susan, but she said she didn't want it. I hoped that by reading it she would come to her senses. Apparently not…

By the way, she wrote that Narnia was a childish game. Do you know anything about that? I've only heard her say it once before, and I didn't think she _really_ meant it, and I don't know how she could think Narnia was only a game! I'm sure she won't write me again even if I write her, because now she'll be afraid that I'll bring up Narnia again. I'm afraid she might be upset with me.

I hope everything is well with you. I'm writing Peter a letter like this as well, but you can write him about it too if you want. Have you written Susan?

Love,

Lucy

* * *

Dear Lucy,

You know I'm not much for writing letters, but to answer your questions: yes, I'm fine and school is fine. Very boring, at times.

As for Susan, well, I do think she really believes Narnia is a game, even if she knows it's not true. I'm not sure I understand it or can really explain it, but that is what I think about the situation. I haven't actually written Susan, although now that you've mentioned it I might try. I'm sorry she didn't want to read your story. If you don't mind…might I read it? I'm sure it's very good.

Have fun with the rest of school. Spring is on the way!

Love,

Edmund

* * *

Dear Lucy,

I wish I could have told you earlier that Susan meant what she said about Narnia not being a game. I was hoping you might not figure it out, or that Susan would start believing in Narnia again before you did. I was wrong. I'm sorry if it hurt you, or if we hurt you.

If it makes you feel any better, I'd like to read that story. I have a feeling it's a wonderful account of what happened—you've always been the best story teller out of all of us.

As for life in university, it is interesting. I can guarantee that it's better than regular school, because you get to study what you want. And I've been doing well. I still miss you all a lot. I really can't wait for summer holidays so that we all can see each other again.

Love,

Peter

* * *

Dear Susan,

How are you? I'm sure you've got some sort of boyfriend and a ton of parties to go to, and none of that will change once you get this letter, and it still won't have changed when we all get home for the summer. Have you seen much of Mum and Dad? Are they well?

You know that I don't usually like to write letters, as I'd much rather talk to you all in person. However, Lucy has brought something to my attention and it couldn't wait. And even if it could, I'm not so sure you would listen to me. Lucy…wrote a story about Narnia and you've refused to read it. Why not read it? I'm sure she's done a great job on it, and I think she was really upset when you wouldn't read it. (At least, she sounded upset in her letter. And I know letters don't 'sound' like anything but…you know what I mean.) I really hope you find it in your heart to read it. I've read it, and it's very good. Lucy's a good writer and a great story-teller. You might enjoy it, regardless of the subject matter.

I hope you write back. I also hope you consider what I've written. Please, just do it for Lucy's sake.

Love,

Edmund

* * *

Dear Peter,

Do you realize that you and Edmund have both written me about the same thing in the space of a week? I do enjoy getting letters from the both of you, but I don't enjoy getting reprimanded for not reading a story written by Lucy. It isn't the worst thing in the world. I just don't want to read it, that's all. I'm sure she did a great job. I'm just not much for reading.

At the same time, I am asking you to stop encouraging her with all these ideas of Narnia. I don't have time to deal with your games and trying to get me to join in. I'm an adult now. I have a life. You are an adult, too, Peter. I hope you haven't forgotten that.

Love,

Susan

* * *

Dear Edmund,

I honestly don't know what to do. Susan isn't going to read that story (and I didn't know you sent her a letter!) by Lucy and clearly she doesn't want anything to do with Narnia. She keeps telling me to stop encouraging Lucy with these games, and I don't think I can stand it any longer. She told me that I'm an adult, as if that should make me stop talking about Narnia. I'm not encouraging Lucy—she encourages herself! She wouldn't stop believing even if we all stopped. That's the great thing about her. I'm not about to stop believing because it'll make me more of an adult. Again, we were adults in Narnia. As a matter of fact, we were hardly childish there.

I have a feeling it's going to be a hard summer. I remember when all four of us were extremely close together. I think Lucy still believes we all have that bond. I'm afraid that Susan will drift away from us—if you think about it, she already has—and we'll never be able to get her back. I miss her.

Sorry about this rant of sorts. I'm just confused right now. I hope everything is well at your school.

Love,

Peter

* * *

Dear Peter,

You don't need to be sorry about anything. You're allowed to share your feelings, you know. And frankly, I've been wondering the same things. I wish I could tell you that I know how to fix this, but I can't because I don't know. All I can tell you is that we can't lose our faith in…in everything, because then we'll end up the same way. That's what happened to Susan, after all.

I miss her too. I sometimes think about the wonderful times all four of us had in Narnia, when we were free from duties and just had time to relax and be with each other. We were all so happy. I don't think we'll ever experience anything like that again, not in this world. Perhaps that is why Susan wanted to forget…because the comparison hurts too much for her.

This is going to hurt Lucy the most, though, and I don't want that either. I think the only way to solve this is to keep trying, because if we stop trying we might lose her forever. If we hadn't discovered Narnia, the same might've happened to me…

Now you've got me apologizing for my long letter! It's nearly summer and no doubt I'll be seeing you very soon.

Love,

Edmund

* * *

Dear Susan,

It's summer! I'll be home in a few days, and Peter is already home and Edmund is coming home with me. I do hope you can visit once we arrive. I really missed you, Susan.

Love,

Lucy


	7. Mask

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Summer 1947_

Lucy was bored. She sat in her room and looked in the mirror on her dresser and wondered exactly what she should do. Sighing, she stood up. It was a silly thing to wish, but she wished in that moment that she was a boy. If she was a boy, she could have gone with Peter and Edmund to play rugby with the other boys who lived nearby. As it was, she was reduced to wandering the house like some sort of ghost.

Lucy walked into her brothers' room. It was mostly neat, but Edmund had a few things (books, mostly) tossed about the floor and bed. Peter was the neater of the two, it seemed. She exited the room and entered her parents. The bed was well made and as she passed it she caught her reflection in the mirror on the opposite side of the room. She paused and turned to get a closer look.

The mirror was rather large and Lucy could see everything of herself down to her waist, where it cut off. She stepped a bit closer so that her legs touched the dresser it was attached to. Lucy had never really taken the time to look thoroughly in a mirror. She had looked, of course, to check if she was presentable, but she had never spent longer than five minutes looking herself over. Susan spent a long time, more like a half hour in front of the mirror, fixing herself up so that she might look pretty. Lucy frowned at her reflection and tried to think like Susan might think. And suddenly she began to wonder.

"Perhaps," she muttered to herself, "if I do what Susan does I'll understand her better." She fingered the containers which held her Mother's makeup and then she picked one up. She turned it over and over in her hands, not really noticing which type of makeup it was, but just that it _was _makeup, and she kept looking between it and the mirror. She leaned forward. "I have freckles," she observed. They were dusted across the bridge of her nose and on her cheeks, and they were very light. Yet, Susan would want to be rid of those freckles. Lucy turned the container over in her hand and read the label: 'blush'.

She put it back on the dresser and racked her brain to try and remember what Susan used. Susan had tried to teach her the art of applying makeup, one time, but Lucy had been disinterested. Now she cursed herself and then turned over the various vessels of makeup, reading their labels, until she came across one labeled 'concealer', which was full of a skin-colored cream. She opened it and dipped her fingers in the cream and applied it to her face, flinching a bit at the coolness of it. She rubbed it in and noticed that her freckles were barely visible. She decided not to use any more, for fear that her Mother would find out.

Next she picked up some powder, which she had seen Susan dabbing on herself many times. She even took some in her purse to, as she put it, "freshen up." Lucy lightly powdered her face and frowned. It made her look paler, ridding her face of its healthy golden glow. "Well, I suppose the blush should take care of that," she muttered tentatively, picking that up next.

She remembered what Susan had tried to tell her about blending in. She brushed the pink powder on the apples of her cheeks and used her fingers to blend it in as best as she could. She looked at herself in the mirror and exclaimed, "I look so…_old_!" What she meant was not 'old' like one's grandparents would be old, but 'old' like an adult, which she was not quite yet.

Her eyes scanned the dresser again, because in her own words, "Surely I can't be done. It takes Susan a lot longer than _this_!" A pencil-like object caught her eye, and she recalled seeing both Susan and her Mother applying it along their eye-lashes both above and below the eye. She picked it up and, with a steady hand, did the same, making thin, light lines. Susan's were thicker, she observed, but she didn't want to risk doing anything too dramatic. Then she took some eye-shadow, which was a dark powder, and dusted it on her eye-lids. This was, she recalled, what Susan liked to call a 'smoky-eyed effect'. Lucy looked up. She hadn't applied so much make-up, but she felt as though she was another person entirely.

"I do look a bit like Susan," she said with a small chuckle. She took some of her Mother's lipstick and applied it to her lips—it was a rich red color. She then stepped back to admire her work and was surprised to find that the make-up didn't look bad. True, she had applied some while in Narnia, but that was so _long_ ago and that makeup had been, oddly enough, different. Better. And there had been less of it—none of that eye-liner stuff that Susan liked so much now. Yet, like her brothers had never really forgotten how to sword-fight, she had never forgotten this (although Susan liked to think she had never learned). "Which is fortunate," she mused, "otherwise I would be looking very much like a clown."

She sat at the edge of her parent's bed, facing the mirror. She did look pretty, but a tugging feeling made her think that perhaps this hadn't been the best idea. She tried to imagine that this was what Susan felt, with the exception of the tugging feeling. Susan felt pretty. She sighed. Susan probably felt like a Queen.

A door clicked open downstairs, and Lucy nearly jumped out of her skin. Voices could be heard and she recognized them as belonging to Peter and Edmund. Quickly, she jumped up and left her parent's room, shutting the door quietly behind her. Heart beating wildly in her chest, she decided to show her brothers her 'new look', and she headed down the stairs.

Peter and Edmund, looking a bit dirty and tired, were standing by the door still, making slow work of taking off their shoes. Peter was saying, "I could really use something to eat. Those games really work up a fellow's appetite."

"You're telling me!" Edmund said, removing his second shoe. He looked up and caught sight of Lucy, who was standing near the bottom of the stairs. "Lu!"

Peter looked around and then back at Edmund, and then back again at Lucy. "Lu," he said slowly, "You look different."

Lucy stepped closer so that they might see her better. "You—you're wearing makeup," Edmund said, exchanging what seemed like a worried look with Peter.

"Do you like it?" Lucy asked, her voice not nearly as steady as she wanted it.

"It's lovely," Peter said warmly. "We're just surprised. I mean, you've never seemed like the makeup type." Then he added, more quietly and more to himself, "Then again, neither did Susan."

"_Why_?" Edmund asked, frowning at her. "You don't need it, you know. Haven't you heard us tell that to Susan?"

"I have," Lucy said, biting her lip. "I was just…curious. I wanted to see why Susan used makeup."

"Did you find out?" Peter asked, also looking curious. "It's something I've often wondered. Don't you, Edmund?"

"I suppose I do," Edmund muttered, "but it doesn't keep me awake at night, if that's what you mean."

"It…well, it makes me feel pretty," Lucy said, "but not so pretty that I'd need to wear it all the time. Do you think Mum will mind?"

"Mum?" Peter said, raising his eyebrows. "Not at all. Dad is a different story. You might want to wash that off before he comes home. Unless you're going somewhere, that is. You're…not going somewhere, are you?"

Lucy blushed, although she was sure no one could tell because the makeup covered her cheeks. "No, I'm not," she assured her brothers. "I'll just be upstairs." She turned and nearly ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, shutting herself in and turning towards the mirror. "I've looked in a mirror more times today than I have in my entire life," she muttered, turning on the sink.

The water ran and still Lucy made no move to remove the makeup. It _did_ make her feel pretty, but then she thought of her brothers' words that they usually said to Susan, and which they had just said to Lucy. She didn't need the makeup. But why not? She looked closer. It really felt like a mask, Lucy thought, that she would very much like to take off. It was a good looking mask, but a mask nonetheless, and it was growing slightly uncomfortable.

Sighing, she grabbed a tissue and wet it and began the tedious job of removing the makeup. _Why would Susan need to wear a mask?_ she thought. The whole idea was ridiculous. Without makeup Susan was the prettiest girl in London. _If anyone should be wearing makeup,_ _it should be me_, Lucy thought. She washed her face a final time, dried it, and looked up. She felt so much better now, so much more _herself_, and her face glowed when she looked at it in the mirror. Then, oddly enough, she felt sad.

"Susan's lost herself," Lucy whispered to her reflection. "Beneath all the parties and makeup and dresses she's lost herself, and Narnia, and Aslan, and now she doesn't know how to get back." And in that moment Lucy felt sorrier for her sister than she had ever felt for anybody.

The stained tissues in the waste basket caught Lucy's attention and she sighed. If only Susan could do the same thing. But her mask ran a lot deeper, and Lucy knew this. She knew it was more than just using tissues to wipe everything clean.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Lucy took a deep breath and decided to go downstairs and talk to her brothers. Really, she had done this all to understand Susan's feelings. And she did, but now that she understood she wasn't sure she wanted to after all.

* * *

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading, and I hope you've enjoyed the story so far. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how one looks at it) school is starting up, and this year is shaping up to be a busy one. As a result, I'm going to have less free time, so updates will be fewer and farther in-between than they have been this summer. I plan to finish this. It just might take awhile. **


	8. Always Something

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Summer 1947_

"I'm bored," Lucy declared. She was sitting in the living room with Edmund, who was reading a book. He looked up and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Okay," he said slowly. "Why don't you read a book?"

"I've been reading for _days_," Lucy told him, "and unlike you, I can't just sit inside on a perfectly nice day such as this one."

Edmund looked outside and frowned. "It's cloudy, Lu."

"Still." Lucy stood up and decided on what she wanted to do. "We should go visit Susan. We've been home a month and I've barely seen her."

"Well, call her, then," Edmund said, also standing.

Lucy shook her head. "I'd rather have it be a surprise."

"You know, she's probably out with friends. It _is_ the weekend, after all." He put the book on the sofa and walked into the kitchen. Lucy ran after him.

"Even if she's not home, at least we'll have gotten out," Lucy said. "_Please_, Edmund."

Edmund sighed. "Fine," he said. "Let's go, then. Unless…" He smirked slightly. "Unless you need to go put on your makeup."

Lucy playfully hit him on the arm. "No, I don't! Let's go." Her brothers had both been saying the same thing as of late concerning makeup, after having found her wearing it. Still, Lucy thought it wasn't all in jest, as she noticed that her brother looked almost relieved as they exited the house.

By now, Edmund was old enough to drive, and he drove to Susan's house. It wasn't very often that Lucy was in the car with her youngest brother, so she ended up asking him many questions. "What's it like driving?" and "Is it hard?" and "Do you think I'll be a good driver?" to which Edmund answered, "Not if you're going to get as distracted as I think you will", though Lucy could tell he wasn't being very serious.

They found parking near Susan's apartment building and went inside. Lucy began to feel nervous. If Susan was home, would she be annoyed? And if she wasn't home, what would happen? Her brother knocked on the door, and Lucy found herself wishing fervently that someone was there to answer it.

Lucy's wish was granted, but she immediately began regretting that she had not been more specific. Rather than her sister, a young man stood in the doorway, looking surprised and a bit confused. "Hello," he said, hesitantly. "May I help you?" He looked from one sibling to the other, waiting.

Edmund's eyes were narrowed and his voice was a bit cold. "We're looking for our sister, Susan. Last time I checked, she lived here."

"Oh," the young man said, looking slightly embarrassed. "You must be Lucy…" He indicated her with a nod. "And you must be…Edmund?"

Nodding, and wondering how on earth this man knew who they were, Edmund asked, "And you are…?"

"Mark," the young man said quickly. "I'm Susan's boyfriend." This explained it. Susan must have told him about her siblings.

"Mark," Edmund repeated. Lucy hoped he wasn't going to do anything rash, but somehow she doubted he wouldn't. Her brothers never liked any of Susan's boyfriends here in England (they also hadn't liked her suitors in Narnia) and were inclined to subject them to long interrogations and, in Narnia, sword fighting, before telling them whether they were suitable for Susan. "Mark, what are _you_ doing here?"

"What he means to say," Lucy said quickly, hoping to dispel the awkward feeling around them, "is where is Susan?"

Mark was tall, so Lucy was looking up at him, and it was then she noticed that Edmund was the same height, and she wondered briefly at how much he'd grown. She remembered when he had been that tall in another lifetime. She compared the two. Mark looked confused and a bit embarrassed, and Edmund looked very impassive, though not in the least intimidated. She smiled slightly. If her brother had possessed a sword, his hand would have been on it.

Mark, meanwhile, was considering his words. "Susan went out," he explained, "to get some tea and…other things, like food. She told me to wait for her. We're…ah…having a romantic dinner."

"Really," said Lucy, smiling slightly. "That sounds…romantic."

Edmund gave her a look. Then he turned back to Mark. "Are you living here?"

"No! No," Mark answered, looking flustered. "Nothing of the sort. No. I've only been dating Susan for a month and we really like each other, but no."

A look of understanding seemed to cross Edmund's face, and he asked, "Have you been seeing her every day this summer?"

"Yes," Mark answered.

"Well," Edmund said. Clearly, there was a lot more that he wanted to ask, but he didn't seem to think it appropriate. "Then when she comes around, just tell her that Lucy and Edmund have stopped by and were hoping to see her because, after all, it seems as if she's too occupied with a certain _someone_ to spend time with her family."

"I'll tell her," Mark said, slowly.

Lucy winced at Edmund's rather stinging request, even if it wasn't meant for her, and gave Mark a cheery smile and a "Have a nice day!" before her brother led her down the hallway, muttering, "It's always _something_."

As soon as they were back on the street Lucy asked, "What do you mean?"

"What?" Edmund frowned, and turned towards her.

Lucy stopped walking. "What do you mean by, 'it's always something'?"

"Well it is," Edmund said, sounding rather angry. "With Susan there's always a party or a boyfriend or an outing or _something_ that keeps her from being with us, and I hate to say it, but it's so _annoying_."

They reached the car and got in. "I have a feeling it's rather more than annoying," Lucy said quietly. Edmund looked at her in surprise.

"What are you talking about?" he asked. "It isn't anything else. It's just annoying."

Lucy shrugged. She was well aware that her brothers were more than just 'annoyed' at Susan. They were troubled by the whole matter. As they pulled away from the building she looked back, hoping to catch a glimpse of her sister, even though she knew that wasn't really possible. She then turned around and said, "Perhaps she'll call us now that we've come over."

"Perhaps," Edmund said, giving her a weak smile. Lucy knew, in that moment, that he didn't believe it. She had a feeling that neither of her brothers believed much in the way of Susan reaching out anymore. They believed her to be gone.

"You never know," Lucy tried, a bit helplessly, "and even if she doesn't call now, she might in the future. We promised, after all, to help her."

"Even if she doesn't want help," Edmund said with a sad smile. Lucy felt herself become a bit sad as well. She knew that attempts had been made and she knew they hadn't worked, and even though she tried to keep a good outlook on the whole situation it was harder and harder. She never wanted to lose faith in Susan, but her sister was making it really hard.

To make matters worse, Susan didn't call back.

And Lucy found that this problem was a lot harder than anything she'd ever had to deal with, both in England and in Narnia.

* * *

**Author's Note: So, my teachers have all thoroughly scared me, and they're all saying, "THIS is the hardest course you'll take this year." So, while I hope to write I most likely won't have as much time as I'd like during September and October. After that, updates should be more frequent, though I can't promise anything. School has a way of sneaking up on me... I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope I can update again soon. Thanks for reading!**


	9. Priorities

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

* * *

_Christmas Holidays, 1947_

Peter gripped the phone anxiously, waiting for the ringing to stop. "Pick up, pick up," he muttered to himself. "Lion's mane, pick _up_!"

There was a clicking noise. "Hello?"

Peter leaned against the wall, visibly relieved. "Susan?" he said, and then continued before she could answer, "I know it's you, considering you live alone. Anyway, is there a chance you can come over?"

The sound of harsh coughing came from upstairs, and Peter prayed that his sister would just say yes. However, as anyone might do, she asked, "Why?"

"We need help," Peter told her. "Mum and Dad are busy, I don't know what to do, and Edmund…well, that's the problem, actually. Edmund's sick."

"It can't be that bad," Susan said, sounding doubtful, as if she thought Peter was exaggerating.

"It's pneumonia," Peter said flatly. "Mum and Dad would have stayed home, but Dad needed to work and Mum needed to run errands and Lucy knows how to take care of people, but there's only so much we can do."

There was silence on the other end. Then: "Oh."

"Oh?" Peter repeated, his eyebrows raised in disbelief. "Is that all you've got to say?"

"It's a terrible situation," Susan said, quietly. "I really would love to, but…I'm busy."

"Too busy to help us with our sick brother?" Peter asked hotly. "Susan, what could you possibly be busy with? Not another party!"

"It's not a party," Susan snapped, sounding slightly insulted, as if Peter shouldn't have assumed that. "I have a boyfriend, and he's taking me out on a very romantic dinner-"

"How do you even know it's romantic?" Peter asked, his voice becoming slightly higher pitched as he talked to cover the sound of coughing. "You haven't been out to dinner yet."

"The place…is very nice," Susan tried to explain, "and he's a wonderful guy. Peter, if you met him, you would understand."

"If he was such a nice guy," Peter said, "he would understand if you rescheduled so that you could take care of your sick brother."

"You can't?" Susan asked. "I recall that you are the oldest."

"That's not the point!" Peter said angrily.

"Then what is?"

Peter bit his lip, and searched around for the words. "The point is…that…you've always been like a mother to them…to all of us. The point is that we need you here because you're our sister. The point is that we can't do it alone, because as you well know, Dad has been overwhelmed at work and Mum is overwhelmed here at home and running errands, getting food and medicine and such, and it would be so much easier if you could be here to help."

"Peter," Susan sighed. "This night has been planned for weeks, and I can't simply cancel now. What would people think of me?"

A surge of righteous anger coursed through Peter, and he asked shakily, "Where has my sister gone?" before slamming the phone on to the receiver, and then groaning. "I can not _believe_ her!"

Feeling defeated and still angry, Peter made his way upstairs to the room he shared with his brother and opened the door. Lucy had been there ever since the morning, trying to help Edmund feel better in any way she could, although there really wasn't much she could do. Looking up at Peter entering, she lamented, "In Narnia there were better ways to fix this. The healers always knew the best ways to cure illness. I'm not so sure the doctors here do."

Peter gave her a grim smile. "They do the best they can," he said. Then, "How is he?"

"Asleep, if you can call it sleeping," Lucy answered. Peter looked at his brother, lying in bed and tangled in the sheets. He was moving about, head turning this way and that, and his breathing was loud and labored, punctured every so often by a bout of coughs.

"And the fever?" Peter asked.

"Still pretty high," Lucy answered. She looked as though she wanted to say something else. Peter waited. She didn't.

"Why don't you let me take over?" Peter asked.

Lucy looked up at him and suddenly asked, "Is Susan coming?" and the anger Peter had felt upon ending the phone call came to surface again.

"No," he answered. "I can't believe it, either."

"Why isn't she?" Lucy asked, sounding very upset. "Didn't you tell her Edmund's sick? That Mum and I need her help?"

"Of course, Lu," Peter said shortly. "She didn't care. All she cared about was her boyfriend, and once this is all over I'm going to have a talk with her. She shouldn't be choosing her boyfriend over her family! What happened to her?" His voice had risen a few notches as he spoke, and Edmund gave a soft groan from the bed.

"Perhaps a bit quieter next time," Lucy said. "And I don't know why Susan would do such a thing. I'm angry too—don't think I'm not. We just…can't be yelling about it. Not now."

"Oh, trust me," Peter growled, "first chance I get I'm going over there and having a chat with her, and I'm sure you can forgive me if I yell then."

"Hold on, Peter," Lucy said sharply, "Why can't I talk to her?"

Peter considered this for a moment. There were a lot of reasons why. First and foremost, he didn't want his younger sister to get hurt by any argument. Yet he also realized that she could give Susan the best talk of all of them—after all, they were both girls, and Lucy and Susan had been really close in the past. _And_, Peter thought, _hardly anyone ever refuses Lucy. _"I just don't want you to be upset," Peter admitted, "and I want to talk to her as well. I did, after all, call her."

"You and Edmund keep trying to protect me, and it doesn't matter," Lucy told him. "I know that you've both had your talks with Susan and it's gotten you nowhere. Yes, it does make me upset, but Peter, I think I should at least have a chance. If not to talk about Narnia, then at least to talk about sticking together as a family, which is what this is all about. Isn't it?"

"It is," Peter said quietly. "We haven't been sticking together."

"Well, we three have," Lucy corrected, "but it's not the same without Susan."

Peter sighed. "If you like, Lu, you can talk to her. Keep it simple, though, and make it really only about this. She won't listen if you throw in anything beyond…this."

Lucy nodded. "Don't worry," she said. "I'll do my best to make her understand that, at least this time, she was wrong."

* * *

Susan's apartment didn't feel lived in, and it was this that made Lucy feel a bit uncomfortable. Still, two days after her talk with Peter she made the trip there and was determined to have that talk with Susan. A Christmas wreath hung on Susan's door, and Lucy reflected that Christmas this year was going to be a rather subdued affair, what with Edmund sick and Peter feeling angry towards Susan. She knocked.

Susan opened the door and looked surprised to see her. "Lucy, I didn't know you were coming! What--?"

"I came here to talk," Lucy interrupted.

"Well then," Susan said, noting the seriousness in her younger sister's tone. She opened the door wider and let Lucy in. Lucy took her place at a small table near the kitchen. Susan also sat down, and then stood up again. "Would you like some tea?"

"No thanks," Lucy said shortly. She really wanted to say what she needed to say. "Susan, why didn't you come to help us with Edmund?"

"I thought Peter would have told you," Susan said, looking uncomfortable. "I had a date…"

"Which was clearly more important than helping your family," Lucy snapped sarcastically. Susan looked surprised, most likely because Lucy was never really sarcastic unless she was truly angry, and she rarely got angry. There was no doubt about why, however, and Susan looked as though she wished the conversation were changed.

"Lucy, he wouldn't have liked for me to cancel our dinner," Susan explained, falteringly. "He would have gotten upset and that wouldn't have been good."

"So you're saying you're dating a guy who wouldn't understand if you cancelled a dinner to go home and take care of a sick brother?" Lucy asked. "Su! He isn't right for you, then!"

"No," Susan said hastily, "it isn't like that. And Edmund is often sick, and Peter should be able to handle these things."

"Edmund is _not_ always sick," Lucy countered. "He hasn't been sick in a long while. And Peter isn't nearly as good as handling these things as you are. I remember when you would help us when we were sick, and you were very good at making us feel better, even more so then Mum at times." She carefully didn't mention that these memories were, mostly, ones from when they had lived in Narnia.

"You have to learn to handle these things yourselves," Susan said. "I can't be taking care of you forever."

"Forever," Lucy echoed. She lapsed into silence for a moment, and then spoke quietly. "But Susan, isn't that what family is? No matter where you go or who you marry or what you do, your family is going to be there for you, to care for you and have fun with you and love you forever. Isn't that it?"

"I don't know," Susan answered, just as quietly. There was a troubled look in her eyes. "I don't think anything that good can last…forever. Eventually we all have to learn to fend for ourselves."

"Everyone learns to," Lucy said, "but they've always got family to fall back on."

"I'm not so sure about that," Susan said darkly.

Lucy sighed and stood up. "I'm done here, then," she stated. "You can either remember what really matters or forget and go back to your parties and boyfriends and all that nonsense. And while it may seem easier to forget…we won't be very happy with you for doing it."

Susan abruptly stood as well, and suddenly she looked angry. "You and Peter and Edmund keep telling me things like that," she snapped, "as if I've done something wrong and I haven't. You can't keep on blaming me if I want to forget those childish games and grow up like any other _normal_ person!"

"We're not blaming you, Susan!" Lucy cried, alarmed that, instead of her yelling at Susan, it was the other way around. "We just don't understand."

"You don't," Susan said coldly. "That is why you should stop talking to me about not being happy with my life style and what—not until you _do_ understand. Until you're older. Until…"

"Until you understand everything better as well," Lucy said, and she turned and swiftly exited the apartment.

* * *

Lucy wondered if she could be alone for a bit. Peter wasn't home, having gone to see if he might help his Father reduce his work load. Mrs. Pevensie was, however, and she was in the kitchen, so that she saw when Lucy entered and asked, "Could you please check on Edmund?"

Lucy climbed the stairs, wanting more than anything to be alone. She was glad Peter wasn't home, otherwise he would notice how upset she was and, although he might not say it, she had a feeling he would be thinking, "I warned you."

She hoped to find her brother asleep and relatively peaceful, so that she might go to her own room and be in peace. He had, after all, improved over the last two days, and although he wasn't cured, he wasn't as seriously ill. She was surprised to find him awake when she entered the room, and this made her stop short a few seconds before she continued on to his bed.

"Edmund," she said in a concerned voice, "why are you awake? Are you all right?"

"Fine," Edmund croaked, his voice having suffered from the long bouts of coughing. He looked very tired, and Lucy wondered whether she should tell him to go back to sleep, or not. He added, with a small smile, "Well, better than I was, anyway."

"That's good," Lucy said, thinking that it was fortunate Edmund never heard her conversation with Peter.

Still, it must have shown on her face that she was upset, because her brother asked, "Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine," Lucy answered, averting her eyes. Edmund's eyes narrowed. He was good at discerning lies from truth, and this was a great disadvantage to Lucy, who was no seasoned liar.

"You're not," he said.

Lucy sighed and sat down on his bed, and she admitted, "I'm not fine. I'm really upset, actually."

"Would you…like to talk about it?" Edmund asked. He coughed a few times, and then cleared his throat. "I haven't got any other pressing matters."

"I suppose," Lucy said, and then she told him everything, from the call Peter made to her own conversation with him ("I must have been really out cold to have missed_ that_," Edmund said) to her talk with Susan, and how it had done nothing, except perhaps make matters worse. When she was done, Edmund looked concerned (for Lucy) and angry (at Susan) and upset, all at the same time.

"I can't _believe_ her," he said, reminding Lucy a lot of Peter. "I can't believe she wouldn't listen to you." He paused to cough, then added, "_You_, of all people! I-"

"You shouldn't go off on a rant at this moment, Ed," Lucy said quietly. "You might set off a coughing fit."

Edmund nodded, and then said in a calmer voice, "Still, I just…Susan has changed so much. Everything you said was right, Lu. She just…didn't see it."

"She _has_ changed," Lucy said, "and that's what's bothering all of us, because no matter how hard we try we can't really understand why. Why her, and not one of us?"

"I've already had my lifetime change," Edmund said, with a hoarse laugh.

"Well, how do you explain Peter? Or me?" Lucy asked.

"You're just…stronger than her, I guess," Edmund said. He looked at her, his expression very serious, and said, "Lucy, I'm glad you haven't changed. I mean, you have, but at the core you're the most optimistic, faithful, trusting of all of us and…we need you. You're our…hope when things get hopeless and…you are, I think, the strongest of us."

Lucy ignored the coughs that followed, her eyes filled with tears, and she cried, "Edmund!" Her brother looked startled, and a bit worried, and she didn't give him a chance to ask what she was calling his name for, because she had pulled him up and was hugging him quite tightly.

"Lu!" Edmund choked, "Lucy! This hugging, it's…Oh, never mind!" And he hugged her back, and then they parted, Edmund falling back upon his pillows and Lucy feeling a bit better about the whole thing.

"Thanks, Edmund," Lucy told him. "You've really made me feel a whole lot better. I don't suppose we're going to give up?" She felt worried that all the frustration might have driven her brothers' to their ending point. She was willing to try and try again to help Susan, and bring her sister back, because she was still an optimistic person despite everything, but she didn't know about the other two.

"I don't know about that," Edmund said. "I promised to try and fix this and I will. And Peter, well, he never breaks promises."

Lucy smiled as her heart lifted at those words. "I promise, too. One day, Queen Susan the Gentle will return." Edmund smiled slightly at this. Lucy felt very hopeful all of a sudden, and she added, "I just _know_ it."

* * *

**Author's Note: So, school is really busy, but luckily I got into a writing mood. I wrote two essays for school and then, for good measure, wrote a chapter for this story. And speaking of writing, I just read a great book about it by Stephen King called "On Writing", and I recommend it to anyone who loves to write. It's better than any English class I've been in, at any rate. **

**Again, updates will be kind of slow. Thanks for having patience, and thanks to everyone who has read the story! I hope you've enjoyed it so far. **


	10. Another Time and Place

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis.**

**

* * *

  
**

_Summer 1948_

Peter wondered vaguely whether Lucy would actually want something in the way of a party for her sixteenth birthday. Apparently, sixteen was special, according to Susan. But Lucy…well, she liked to have people around, but he wasn't sure a party was quite the right thing. At a loss, he went up to his room and found Edmund there, reading, as he usually did.

"What are we to do?" he asked, looking hopeless.

Edmund looked up. "With what?"

"Lucy's birthday is coming up, and Su gave me the impression that sixteen is very a very important age," Peter explained. "Do we throw a party? Do we stay home?"

"Well," Edmund said, "What did Susan say to do?"

"Throw a party." The two boys were silent for a moment, and then they heard the sound of someone coming up the stairs. They both jumped when the door burst open and Lucy came in, beaming.

"Guess what," she said.

"What?" her brothers asked.

"Mum and I ran into Susan in town today and she promised that, whatever we did for my birthday, she would be there for it." Lucy looked to each of her brothers. "Isn't that wonderful?"

"It is," Peter said. "Say, Lucy, is there anything you would like to do for your birthday? Anything in particular?"

"This might sound silly," Lucy said, looking thoughtful, "but I really just want to spend it with the family. I don't really want a party, fun as they are. Susan seems to think I need one, since I'm getting to be 'that age', but I'm not exactly sure about that."

"That settles it then," Edmund said, looking relieved. "We won't throw you a party. Now, I think Peter and I need some time to think."

"About what?" Lucy asked, looking confused.

"You didn't think we would let you plan your own birthday, did you? We're trying to surprise you!"

"Oh!" Lucy's eyes widened. "Well, in that case, I'll leave." She grinned. "I can't wait to see what you two have come up with." She left the room, practically skipping.

"Neither can I," Peter said, staring at the still open door.

* * *

After much talking and planning, Peter and Edmund managed to come up with something after all. They remembered, in Narnia, how Lucy would always like to spend a portion of her birthdays at the beach at Cair Paravel, which was possible because her birthday was in the summer. England's seashore wasn't the same as Narnia's, but they knew Lucy would enjoy a trip there regardless. As long as the weather held, and the water wasn't too cold, the day would be perfect for her.

Two days later, on her birthday, the family woke up early and began packing the car. Peter had wanted to drive, but Mr. Pevensie insisted on driving instead. Lucy, for her part, couldn't care less who drove, so long as they got there. She stood by the door, waiting for Susan to show up. It had been a long time since Susan had last been with the family.

As they packed the car, Edmund muttered to Peter, "I just hope Su doesn't get into any arguments with Lucy, should Lucy mention Narnia."

"She won't," Peter said. "At least, she shouldn't. She knows how much this day means to Lucy."

Susan arrived a few minutes later and was nearly knocked over by Lucy, who hugged her as tight as anyone can be hugged. Peter and Edmund grinned at each other; Lucy's happiness was infectious, and they were surprised that she was so happy even though the day hadn't really started yet.

The beach was crowded, which could only be expected during the summer time. The Pevensies arrived just before noon and set up. Lucy wanted to go into the water, while Susan took her place laying on a towel, next to their parents. Lucy walked over to her and frowned. "Susan," she said, "won't you go in the water with me?"

"I'm not sure," Susan said, hesitantly. "I don't think I want to get wet today."

Lucy looked slightly upset. Behind her, Peter and Edmund exchanged a look and both agreed that something needed to be done. Peter stepped forward and said, "But Su, you used to love to swim."

"That was then," Susan said. "Perhaps I've grown out of it."

"It's Lu's birthday," Edmund pointed out. "The least you can do is join her in the water." He gave her a slight smile. "What do you say?"

Susan found herself trapped by all three of her siblings, who were giving her pleading looks. Lucy's was the most convincing, and despite having been away from home for a long time Susan still wasn't immune to it. She sighed and stood up. "Fine," she said, "but only for a little while."

"Thank you, Susan!" Lucy said, grinning widely. She grabbed her older sister's hand and half-dragged her towards the water. "You won't regret it."

As they reached the water, Susan remarked, "I thought you would have outgrown this sort of thing."

"Why?" Lucy asked, facing the water. "Anyone who's completely grown up is also completely boring. It's much more fun to be a child once in awhile." She walked slowly into the water and shivered—it was cold, but refreshing for the hot day. The water went up to her ankles, but the waves occasionally came up to her knees. She walked further and the water got deeper, and her siblings followed her. Then she turned to them.

Susan was staring longingly out into the ocean, most likely thinking about when she would swim for hours in the seas that bordered Cair Paravel. Lucy grinned mischievously at her siblings. Peter and Edmund noticed this, and glanced at Susan, who seemed to be lost in thought. They both shouted, "Susan!" just as Lucy splashed her older sister with the cold water.

Susan gasped as the wave of water hit her in the face, and for a second she looked as if she might yell. Then she saw that her brothers and sister were laughing, and perhaps this made her less angry because they looked so happy, and she smiled slightly. Then she bent over, low, and did something that no one really expected her to do. She splashed Lucy back.

All hell broke loose, and soon the siblings were engaged in a water fight. Peter found a piece of seaweed and tossed it at Edmund, who found some more and threw it at both Peter and Susan. Lucy laughed at how ridiculous her older siblings looked covered in seaweed, until she too was covered in it. On the shore, their parents watched with amused expressions on their faces.

After the seaweed fight was over, the siblings took to jumping around in the waves and, after that, they sat where the water lapped up against the sand, half-drying in the sun. There was a content silence. Lucy closed her eyes and imagined that Cair Paravel was just behind them, and for a second she felt as if it really was there.

"I feel as if we're home," she sighed, and no one had to ask what she meant. Peter and Edmund made noises of agreement, and Susan frowned slightly. Lucy did not elaborate.

A second silence lasted for quite awhile, and then Susan abruptly stood and returned to where their parents were. This broke the mood, and Lucy looked at her brothers in confusion. Peter said, "I don't think she likes being reminded."

"Why not?" Lucy asked. "I know she's upset we can't go back, but think of what we've done right now. We've found Narnia here."

Edmund grinned. "That's quite the birthday gift!"

"Thank you," Lucy said, grinning.

"What are you thanking us for?" Edmund asked. "You really gave it to yourself, you know. We only planned to come here. You were the one who saw it this way—as Narnia. A home away from home…"

Peter glanced at Susan and sighed. Lucy stood up and said, "I think I'll go sit with her for awhile. I think she wanted to talk to me about…being more mature now that I'm older." She made a face, and then laughed. "I hope I never get boring."

As she walked away, Peter muttered, "I wish Susan could see it."

"Oh, I think she already has," Edmund said. "She just doesn't like to admit that she was wrong."

"I don't know," Peter said. "I suppose we should just forget about it. After all, you said it yourself—no arguments today." He stood up, and Edmund followed suit. "Let's go and see what they're up to. After all," he grinned, "we're older, too, and I'm sure we have good advice on growing up…even if Lucy's already done it once."

They joined Susan and Lucy and talked of growing up and gave her advice. Susan talked of fashion, and Peter and Edmund watched their sister and reflected on how wonderful of a person she was, and how great she was going to become. And Lucy was reminded of another time when they sat on a beach and talked of growing up, and of suitors, and of Peter and Edmund threatening said suitors with their swords. She wanted Susan to be reminded of it as well, but she wasn't sure that Susan was open enough to the idea.

Then, Lucy thought back to when Susan had stared wistfully into the open sea with that faraway look in her eyes and it gave her hope. It was, after all, a start, and that was really what she wanted for her birthday.

* * *

**Author's Note: I'm sorry I haven't posted in awhile, but school's been really busy, and it gets hard during the school-year to find a lot of free time. As I've said before, I will finish this story, even if it takes me awhile. Thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient. I hope you've enjoyed it so far!**


	11. Careful

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or Narnia. They are property of C.S. Lewis. **

* * *

_Late Summer, 1948_

Lucy bit her lip nervously and wondered exactly how she was to break the news to her brothers. Most girls her age would rather tell their siblings than their parents, but Lucy felt that her parents would handle it better than her brothers. And Susan…well, Susan would never stop talking about it. She would obsess over it. And Lucy didn't want that, either.

She entered the house and tiptoed up the stairs, hoping to prolong the moment as long as she could. If she didn't come across anyone she would be fine. If she did, well, that would ruin everything. Lucy was the worst at lying.

Just as she reached her door there was the sound of another one opening. She quickly lunged inside the room, pushing the door behind her. And then she heard the thing she most dreaded—"Lucy, you're home!"

Lucy whipped around. Edmund had caught the swinging door and was holding it open, looking surprised and amused at the same time. "What," he asked, "are you doing?"

"I…I…er…" Lucy stammered, searching for what, exactly, she _was_ doing. "I was going to get changed."

"Why the hurry?" Edmund asked. "It's not that late."

From the hallway, a second voice, Peter's, called out, "Is that Lucy? Is she home?"

"Yes!" Edmund called back, still watching his sister very closely. "We're in here!"

Peter entered the room a moment later. He sat on the bed next to Lucy and asked, "So, how was lunch with your friend?"

Lucy sighed. Now they had come to it. "It went well," she answered, trying to suppress a blush.

Edmund raised his eyebrows. "Well?" he repeated. "So, nothing happened."

"Well," Lucy said. She looked from Peter, sitting right next to her and looking expectant, to Edmund, who was still standing and looking rather suspicious. She couldn't lie. Peter and Edmund would know what she was doing right away. She decided on saying, "We had fun."

"That's good," Peter said. "Is that all?"

"We…had lunch. Do you want to know what we had for lunch?"

"I don't particularly care," Edmund said. "What I _do_ want to know is what you're hiding."

Lucy laughed. "Hiding? Nothing. Nothing at all." She felt her face grow red and cringed inwardly.

Peter laughed as well. "I can see that it was nothing," he said, with a touch of good-natured sarcasm. "I think we all know that there's something you're not telling us, Lu. Why not?"

"I have a boyfriend," Lucy mumbled, not looking at either of them.

"What?" Edmund asked sharply, while Peter just stared.

"I have a boyfriend," she repeated, this time louder, although she still wouldn't look at either of her brothers.

"A…a boyfriend?" Peter asked, looking closely at her. "Here? In England?"

"No, in Narnia," Edmund said. "Of course here, in England! Who is it?"

"My friend," Lucy said. "You know, James. As it turns out, he liked me and I liked him and when we went to lunch we just ended up telling each other and…we decided to try going out."

"Do I know James?" Peter asked.

"No," Lucy admitted. "I think Edmund might've seen him once or twice. He's been my friend for awhile now."

"Yes, but you have a lot of friends," Peter said, smiling. "It's hard keeping track."

"I don't remember him," Edmund said, frowning. "I'd very much like to meet him, though." His tone of voice was a bit less than pleasant.

"Edmund," Lucy started, but she was interrupted by Peter.

"Not tonight," he said, looking at both of them. "Lucy, has Edmund told you that Susan called?"

"No," Lucy said.

"Well she did," Peter said, "and she wants us to have dinner at her house. She wants to 'catch up', as she called it."

"She does?" Lucy couldn't contain the disbelief in her voice.

"I know," Edmund said. "I couldn't quite believe it, either."

"Regardless of what you believe, it's happening," Peter said, "and we can talk about Lucy's new boyfriend at dinner."

"Do we have to?" Lucy asked. "Susan will become obsessed. She's wanted me to have a boyfriend for the longest!"

"If anything, it'll give us some good conversation," Peter said.

"Or an argument," Edmund added. Peter gave him a look.

"What makes you say that?"

"Somehow we always manage to get into some sort of fight," Edmund explained. "And we're sure to disagree about this."

"You never know," Peter said. "I think we ought to get ready. You know how Susan is with appearances." He stood up. "We have to look our best."

"Even if it is only dinner in her flat," Edmund muttered. As they walked out of the room, Lucy groaned. She wanted to see Susan, but not to talk to her about boys. She wasn't much looking forward to dinner.

* * *

"Is there anything going on?" Susan asked, as they sat rather silently around the small table. Lucy poked at her food and refused to look at anyone.

"School's starting soon," Edmund volunteered. "I get to go to university. That's…new."

"Trust me, Ed, it'll be great," Peter said. "I'm sure you'll love getting to learn what you want."

"That's nice," Susan said, but she wasn't much interested in school related things and they could tell. "Lucy, how are _you_?"

"Fine," Lucy said, taking a bite of bread.

"Oh, she's had fun this summer," Peter said with a smile. "Tell her about it, Lu."

Lucy looked up and blushed. "Well, I have a boyfriend," she began.

"Boyfriend?" Susan repeated, her eyes brightening with the news. "How wonderful! Lucy, you must tell me about him. Who is he?"

"My friend James," Lucy said. "You won't have met him."

"Is he nice?" Susan asked.

"Not at all," Edmund said. "That's why she's dating him, of course!"

Susan shot him an annoyed look and Edmund merely grinned back. She then turned to Lucy and said, "He's nice. Do you really like him?"

"Of course," Lucy said, looking shocked. "Why wouldn't I like him? He's very nice and sweet and easy to talk to."

"Why, now you can go to all sorts of dances and parties and…Lucy, you've grown up!" Susan exclaimed.

"I suppose I have," Lucy said, looking around at her brothers, both of whom had looks on their faces that suggested they were thinking the same thing as she was: that Lucy had grown up already, a long time ago.

"I was hoping the day would come, soon," Susan continued. "I'm going to have to take you two with me, you know, to a dance. People ought to know you're together, now. What do you say?"

"Hold on," Peter said, looking worried now. "We haven't even met him and already you want to cart the two of them off to these wild parties of yours?"

"They aren't wild," Susan said, looking offended.

"Perhaps not, but they _are_ boring," Edmund said, "and not the most romantic of places."

"And how would you know that?" Susan asked, raising her eyebrows at him. "You don't have a girlfriend."

"I know what romance is," Edmund countered. "All of us do. It's that boy…James, who most likely doesn't."

"Edmund's right," Peter said. "I don't know that a dance should be the first place they go out to."

"That's for Lucy to decide," Susan said curtly. "Lucy, what do you say?"

Lucy shook her head. "I've no idea. I like to talk to people, but I'm not sure about a party or a dance. Peter and Edmund both say they are terribly boring."

"Yes, they do, but I say they're fun," Susan said. "You can't possibly know until you go to one."

"I suppose I can't," Lucy said, looking to her brothers for help.

"Listen," Peter said, "I can't stop you from doing anything you want to do. But before you do, I think we ought to at least talk about it. It's not often that I have to talk to you, of all people, but I suppose I'll start now."

"There's certain things you need to know about the boys here," Edmund said, facing Lucy. "They're not all honorable and they're not all chivalrous."

"That's right," Peter said, "and you need to know which ones really love you and which ones…only want a girlfriend for show."

"I know," Lucy said, grinning slightly. "We've been through this before."

"That," Susan said, "was only pretending. This is real."

"I suppose," Lucy conceded, "I could take this more seriously."

"There's no harm in that," Susan said, smiling slightly.

"Since you've been through this before," Edmund said, "I suppose you also know that, should any boy hurt you, Peter and I will make sure they get their…_just_ rewards."

Lucy and Peter laughed slightly, and Susan frowned. She said, "I don't think you should start trouble."

"It's not trouble," Peter said. "If anyone did something wrong by you we would do the same. We're protecting you both."

"You don't need to do that," Susan said. "I know how to take care of myself. I don't need you two to make a scene if something goes wrong."

"Then we won't," Edmund said, his voice a bit hard, before anyone could say anything else.

"I'm sure if Lucy didn't want us to do anything she'd say something," Peter said hastily. "We'll talk about it when the time comes. Right now, all we're trying to say is that Ed and I are there for you both, always. Even when you don't necessarily want us to be."

Lucy smiled. "I appreciate that."

Susan also smiled. "Anyway, any boy who hurts you would have to be really foolish to do so."

"Susan!" Lucy cried, hugging her older sister tightly. Susan hugged her back, tentatively at first and then more tightly.

Peter and Edmund watched them with reminiscent smiles on their faces. "It's been a long time since I've seen them this close," Peter said quietly.

Edmund only nodded, and continued to watch them. He said, "I wish this could last forever." Peter looked at him, frowning. Edmund added in a quieter voice, almost to himself, "I know it won't."

"Ed," Peter started. He glanced back at his sisters, who had broken apart, and realized that he had no argument. Edmund was never really optimistic, and so Peter and Lucy (who were) never really wanted to believe him on certain subjects, but now Peter found that he didn't have any optimistic thoughts to offer. Perhaps to convince himself, he said, "There's still a good chance. I mean, Susan is still here. That hug right there was proof."

Susan was now talking to Lucy about what to do and not to do on dates, especially the first ones. Lucy was asking questions and nodding her head and generally looking interested. Edmund steadily watched them, never once looking at Peter. He said darkly, "It'll be a lot harder now that we've grown up again."

Peter nodded. This was one of the greatest challenges he'd ever faced.


	12. Happy Christmas

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They belong to C.S. Lewis. **

**Author's Note: This chapter is a bit appropriate for the time of year. Happy Holidays! (Even though they're almost over.) And enjoy! **

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**_December 25, 1948_

"The tree is beautiful, Lu," Susan said as she looked the tree in the living room up and down. It was fully decorated with red and gold ribbons and silver ornaments, with an angel on top. "I love the colours."

"Thanks," Lucy said, also glancing at the tree. She turned to Susan. "Remember when we used to decorate the tree together?"

"Yes," Susan said, "I do." She looked uncomfortable. "Have Peter and Edmund helped you this time around?"

"Peter and Edmund did not," said Peter, entering the room and sitting on the couch. "Lucy enlisted Mum and Dad."

"And we all worked very hard," said Mr. Pevensie, from his place in the armchair directly across from the tree. "And Edmund and Peter _did_ help, contrary to what they'll tell you."

"Well," said Edmund, who was sitting on the floor by the tree, "He is right. We did help. Once Lucy got hold of us she wouldn't let go. Besides, she wasn't tall enough to put the angel on top."

"Aw, Lu," Susan said. She chuckled and turned her eyes towards the tree again.

Mrs. Pevensie called from the kitchen, "John, can you come here for a bit? I need some help." Mr. Pevensie rose from his place, grinned in a rather lopsided way at his children, and left.

There was silence. "So," Peter said, watching Susan carefully. "How is everything?"

"Everything is fine," Susan said. "I've a party to go to later, so I'm only staying for dinner. I'm sure it will be…fun."

"I'm sure they all are," said Edmund, in a voice that sounded as though he didn't believe what he was saying. Susan frowned at him, but he didn't notice. He was toying with one of the ornaments on the bottom of the tree.

"Well, I say, it seems as if we've all been having a good holiday," said Peter, trying to dispel the awkward feeling in the air.

Lucy smiled. "It has been a good Christmas," she said, "but something is missing."

"What's missing?" Susan asked.

"Father Christmas," Lucy said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Susan laughed. "Lu, Father Christmas isn't real. We're all far too old to be visited by him."

"He visits everyone," said Lucy. "He doesn't visit here, though."

"What, our house?" said Edmund, with a hint of humour.

"No, I meant this world," Lucy said. "You know, what with people not having much faith these days, he doesn't visit here. Magic isn't the only thing that can keep him away."

"I don't know why you're talking about this," Susan said. "We aren't children anymore."

"Look," Edmund said. Peter, Susan, and Lucy turned. He was holding up one of the ornaments, a crucifix, and his expression was rather solemn. "Father Christmas is nice, but here, that isn't what Christmas is about." Lucy and Peter both glanced at each other and smiled. Susan looked skeptical. "Su, why are you giving me that look?"

"What look?" Susan asked.

"Why, that look that says you don't really believe what I'm saying."

"Well…" Susan hesitated for a moment. She looked rather uncomfortable, as if she knew that what she was about to say wouldn't have a good affect on her siblings. "Listen, I suppose that is…important, but I don't see how we should spend our whole holiday reflecting on something we're not even sure really happened. I…just…would rather…"

"Go to a party?" Lucy finished, looking sad. "Susan, you can't really believe that parties are more important than…_this_. Than the true meaning of Christmas."

"Listen, the crucifixion is celebrated on Easter, not Christmas," said Susan.

Peter looked grave as he said, "It's a celebration of everything He did for us. The crucifixion included."

Edmund suddenly stood up. "Susan, how can you say that you're not sure it ever really happened?"

"I-we're not sure," Susan tried, but Edmund stepped towards her, rather passionately, and the burning look in his eyes cut her off.

"You _know_ it happened," he said. "You _saw_ it. You were there. And you know He did it for people like me, sinners, and you _know_ that He did it because He loves us, even if we don't deserve it." He gestured towards Peter and Lucy. "They know it, too. And I know it the most, perhaps. It's the people like me who made it happen. And _you_, of all people, should remember it well."

"Edmund," Susan said, her voice sharp. She was very pale, now, but her cheeks were tinged red. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You don't?" Lucy asked softly. Susan turned to her, and found that her younger sister looked terribly sad, almost despairing. "Susan, you don't remember walking with Him that night, through the forest? You don't remember watching Him be killed? You don't remember that wonderful sunrise, when He rose again and we rode on His back to help the others?"

"I-I," Susan stammered. She turned from Lucy to Peter, who looked terribly grave, to Edmund again, who looked terribly angry. "I don't know. What did He ever do for me, anyway?"

"Susan, by the simple fact that you are living a good life and that you are alive," Peter said, and she turned to him. "That nothing terrible has happened to you. By what you've been given—the name Gentle, and the qualities that go with it that make you such a wonderful person. Would you really forget that so soon?"

"And yet," Susan said, a change coming over her, almost like anger, "things have happened. I've been heartbroken once, and I'm not about to be heartbroken again."

Lucy stood up and moved towards her sister. "Su," she said, "we've all shared that same experience; the sadness, the disappointment. But you know we couldn't go on living that way, that we would have to apply what we'd learned here. And you know He'll let us be with Him, one day, whether it's in Narnia or somewhere else."

There was a strong silence that followed Lucy's words as everyone took them in and mulled them over and thought of the past and the future and were amazed at Lucy's unshakeable faith. And then Edmund added, "It's hard to believe, sometimes, especially here. I know. I don't have Lucy's faith, or Peter's, but I do have some faith, and I know that they're right. Since when have they ever been wrong?"

Susan turned away from him. "There is always a first time." She clenched her fist for a moment and seemed to struggle with something. When she looked up, her eyes were full of tears. "I don't have faith," she said, her voice shaking, "and I don't want it, either. People with faith are bound to be disappointed. And as for Him, well, I can't quite forgive Him."

"Yet He would forgive you for so much," said Edmund.

"You can't forget," Lucy added. "You really can't. Su, if you would just talk to us and listen then we could help you. We've all been through this."

"No," Susan snapped. "You don't understand. I don't want to go through that again. Perhaps you all don't mind being disappointed again and again, but I've better things to do with my life than hope for something that might not even happen, that can easily be taken away. No, I'm happier with the very _real_ things I have right here, in _this _world."

"Su-" Lucy tried, but her sister was already storming out of the living room. They heard her run up the stairs. A door slammed.

Peter sighed. "Well," he said, "at least we've gotten to the root of the problem."

"And that went so well," Edmund murmured. He wasn't looking at them, but rather at the crucifix he still held in his hand.

"She could come around," said Lucy, looking more resolute and less upset by the minute. "Susan believed once. She can believe again."

Peter gave Lucy a small smile. "She's very lucky to have a sister like you," he said. Lucy blushed.

Edmund sighed, and for a moment didn't say anything. He looked up at his younger sister and shook his head. "I don't know how you do it, Lu. I really don't. I don't think I could ever do it."

"Oh, but you've done so well, Ed," said Lucy, smiling at him. "I think we're all doing well here. Susan will come around. It might take some time, but she will."

Peter smiled and hugged his sister with one arm. He held out the other to Edmund who, after a moment's hesitation, accepted it. "At any rate," Peter said to both of them, "Happy Christmas!"

Lucy and Edmund both grinned and said the words with new hope: "Happy Christmas."


	13. Missing Home

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or Narnia. They belong to C.S. Lewis. **

**Author's Note: Another chapter. I'm quite happy, because I've finished writing all subsequent chapters, and the only thing left to do is edit them. Enjoy!**

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_Spring Holiday 1949_

The dinner was quite peaceful. It was rare that the family all got to eat together like this, but it was Easter Sunday and they did not have school, or work, or any of the normal things that separated them. They were together.

Really, they were not together.

Lucy wished everyone really was as united in spirit as they were by physical presence, but it just didn't seem possible. Susan looked uncomfortable. Peter looked rather sad. Edmund looked tense. None had quite forgotten the fight that had erupted on Christmas. Nothing had been fixed, since Susan had left the house and, not long after, the rest of them left for school. And Susan had avoided them for most of this break.

Lucy's parents were quite unaware of the tension…or maybe they were and couldn't figure out for the life of them why it was there.

Lucy sighed in frustration. _Easter shouldn't be like this_, she thought. Especially when she and Susan had experienced something like Easter—_No, not like Easter; it _was_ Easter!—_first hand in Narnia. She couldn't really bring _that_ up again, since she had done so at Christmas. But she could bring up other things.

"It's very quiet," she said.

Susan concentrated even harder on her plate. Peter smiled at his sister. "You're quite right," he said. "I think we ought to at least be having a discussion. We all hardly see each other anymore."

"Well, then, how are things with all of you?" Mr. Pevensie asked. "Anything new?"

"Nothing much," Peter said, after a bit of a pause. "I'm just happy to be home, really."

"Me too," Lucy said.

Edmund muttered something under his breath that all of them heard but none could understand. Peter raised an eyebrow. "What did you say, Ed?"

"Nothing," Edmund said. "I'm just…the same as Peter and Lucy." His voice was not very convincing.

"Susan?" Mrs. Pevensie asked, looking at her quiet eldest daughter with something like concern.

"I'm fine," Susan replied. "There isn't really anything new."

And the conversation died. Lucy felt like running out of the room. She almost did, too. At least then someone would ask her why she was upset and she could tell them.

She didn't leave the room. She sat and finished her dinner in the uncomfortable silence and then, when it was all done, she went up to her room.

Peter appeared in the doorway a few seconds later, Edmund behind him. "Can we come in?"

"Fine," Lucy said.

They came in, and Lucy was surprised to see that Susan had been behind Edmund. The two brothers sat on Susan's old bed. Susan sat beside Lucy. Everyone looked rather tense.

"This is ridiculous," Lucy said. "I don't understand why we can't all talk the way we used to, and why anytime we do talk there's a fight. I wish…I wish things were like they were before."

"Don't we all," Edmund said.

"We can still talk," said Susan. "I just…would rather you didn't talk about those childish games we used to play. I'd rather we talked of other things."

"I can't help talking about them," Lucy said. She looked away from Susan as her eyes became moist, and her throat tightened. She became completely still, waiting for the feeling to pass.

"Listen," Peter said, abruptly breaking the silence. "Can't we just be glad we're all home together, and take it from there?"

Edmund suddenly laughed. "Home?" he asked, incredulous. "Home, Peter?"

"Yes," Peter said, frowning. "We're home. We're together."

"I've never heard anything further from the truth. Look at us—we can't even hold a decent conversation anymore! We aren't home now. We haven't been home in a long time." And Edmund laughed again. The expression on his face was odd—a combination of bitter amusement and sadness.

"Ed, home doesn't just have to be Narnia."

Edmund stood up and turned away from Peter, from all of them, for a second. They could hear his breathing, erratic even if he didn't want it to be. He didn't speak.

"Edmund," Lucy said. "We have a home here, too. And if we went to another world, we would have one there."

"We can't travel to other worlds," Susan said. She sounded exasperated, having said this many times before. Lucy glared at her. "If we could," Susan conceded, "I think we would be able to find a home."

Peter was watching Edmund's back. "Ed?" he asked, half standing.

"No, we don't have a home anywhere," Edmund said. He turned to them, looking almost angry. His cheeks were an angry red and his eyes were shining. "We did. We were home when we were with each other. But look at us now! We can't even be together without getting into an argument or not being able to talk at all and we…we just aren't _home_."

"Edmund-"

"No, Peter, I don't think you understand. I don't care where we are or even if we're together. Before Narnia—yes, Susan, I'm going to talk about it and I don't care what you think—we always fought and I know most of it was my fault…but even when we were home I felt like we weren't at all. And then we all started getting along in Narnia and even though it wasn't home I felt like it was. And now it feels like before Narnia again, and I thought that had all changed, but apparently it hasn't."

"Are you blaming this on me?" Susan asked, her eyes flashing. "Just because I won't talk about Narnia with you doesn't mean-"

"I don't know!" Edmund snapped. "I don't know what we're doing wrong or if it's your fault or my fault and I just wish we could be all right again, just like before. I-"

No one found out what Edmund had been about to say next because he seemed to cut himself off, and then he stormed out of the room. The sound of a door slamming reached them a few seconds later.

"I'm sorry," Susan said. Her voice was very shaky and thick, like she was crying. Lucy and Peter weren't quite able to look at her.

"Susan," Lucy said, "I…I just wish you wouldn't get so angry…"

"I'm sorry," Susan repeated, and now she really was crying. "I've been beastly, I know, and I can't seem to stop myself because I can't…I can't just bring myself to believe in Narnia and trust in Aslan again…and the worst part is…I'll still say all the things I've said again." The last part was a whisper.

"Why?" Lucy asked, close to tears herself.

"I can't do it," Susan whispered. "I'm not strong enough."

"Yes, you are," Lucy said, looking up at her sister's tear stained face for the first time. "Look at me, Su. You_ are_ strong enough. You always have been. You just need to try."

"I'm not sure I can."

"There's nothing to be afraid of."

"There is," Susan said. She wiped her eyes. "I've already lost enough. I'm not going to lose more."

"Then I'm sorry, too," said Lucy. And she was.

Peter was alternatively watching them and looking back towards the door. Finally, he said, "Susan, will you promise me to keep trying?"

"I…" Susan struggled with her answer. "I…Peter, you know…I can't promise you that."

"Please, Susan."

"I can't," Susan said. She stood up, still wiping at her eyes. "I have to go. Please, just tell Edmund that I'm sorry. I am, I really am. I just…" She choked back a sob, turned around, and walked out.

Peter stood up. "I suppose we ought to go tell Edmund what happened."

Lucy felt hot tears make their way down her face. She took a deep breath. "Y-yes," she said. "He should know."

They left the room together, feeling worse than when they had come in.


	14. Lucy

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or Narnia. They belong to C.S. Lewis. **

**Author's Note: Midterms have taken what's left of my energy. Interestingly enough, today my school had a snow day but I had to go in, along with a majority of my class, to take an exam that was already partly finished and that would have needed to be retaken in June if it wasn't taken today. It was English, and I thought I wouldn't want to have anything to do with fan fiction and writing between getting to the test and the actual test. I was wrong. After watching a few behind-the-scenes videos of the band Keane and reading the book 'Nineteen Minutes' for pleasure, I'd changed my mind. Anyway, I have three exams left. On the bright side, I have Monday off. Which means more time for writing! I hope you enjoy this latest chapter!  
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_Summer 1949_

Lucy wasn't one for giving up. Lucy still tried.

It wasn't that Peter and Edmund didn't try, but Peter wasn't as forceful and Edmund was, for a time, not willing to talk to any of them about it. And then came the suggestion that the friends of Narnia get together and talk. The subject couldn't really be avoided any longer.

"After all," Lucy told her brothers, "This could really be the thing we need. Susan might just want to come."

"Well you can ask her if you want, Lu," Edmund said. "I'm not against it."

And Peter said, "Are you sure about this? I know if anyone can get Susan to turn around it would be you. But Su's also stubborn."

"I'm sure," Lucy said.

She didn't want to give Susan a lot of time to think about it. She, Jill, and Eustace would be staying with the Professor and Polly Plummer, his friend. Peter and Edmund decided not to stay because both had other things to do; Peter had a job and Edmund had school work. They would be leaving the next day. If Susan agreed to come, she could go back with Edmund and Peter. And, she wouldn't have much time to reconsider.

Lucy took a cab to Susan's flat. The ride seemed not to last long enough and Lucy was very nervous. For some odd reason she felt a sense of urgency, that this needed to be resolved now rather than later. She so wanted everything to work out, especially now, with this one opportunity. She couldn't have explained why she felt things had to work out, only that she felt it strongly. She was almost shaking as she knocked on Susan's door.

Susan looked surprised to see her younger sister standing there, which hurt Lucy. In the past there had never been any reason for Susan to be surprised—it was natural to seek each other out. Lucy sighed and smiled. "Hello."

Susan replaced her surprised look with a rather forced smile. "Lucy!" she said. "I wasn't expecting you. Well, why don't you come in?" She stepped aside and Lucy stepped in, taking a deep breath as she did so. She promised she would not beat around the bush.

As soon as they were seated, Lucy dove right in. "Susan, you remember Professor Kirke, don't you?"

Susan stiffened and her smile disappeared. "Yes, Lucy, but-"

"Well, the Professor and his friend Polly are having a bunch of friends over," Lucy went on, "and Peter, Edmund, and I are going. You see, we're going to talk about Narnia, and just be together and have a good time. And I was just wondering…would you like to come?"

"Lucy," Susan started, but Lucy sensed something unfavorable in her voice and she interrupted.

"I know you don't like to talk of Narnia and I know you don't even think it was real, but we'd all really like it if you came. If you at least tried. We're leaving tomorrow. I'm staying over, but you could come back with Peter and Edmund. And you needn't say anything much. We'll do all the talking."

"Lucy," Susan said, a bit more forceful. "You know how I feel about this sort of thing. And…oh…can I answer in a minute? I have something else I want to ask."

"What?" Lucy was surprised. She knew that the current answer likely wasn't going to end with an answer she liked, but she also knew it was better than an outright 'no'.

"How are the boys? I haven't talked to them much since…since, you know. Is Edmund still angry?"

"I don't know," Lucy admitted. "He doesn't seem to know whether he's angry at you or the situation. I think he's just disappointed. You two should talk."

Susan grimaced. Clearly the idea of talking to Edmund didn't appeal to her. Lucy could see why. Both were very stubborn and the fights between them were horrible, especially if they didn't end well. She thought the only reason those fights were so horrible was because they didn't happen much. Yet they had become more common recently.

"And Peter? I can't tell if he's angry."

Lucy sighed. "Peter could never be angry at you for long, you know that," she said. "He was a bit upset that you wouldn't promise to keep trying, but we both decided that it wasn't a very good time to ask such a thing of you." In truth, Peter had been more than 'a bit upset' but he made it clear that he didn't want Susan to know how upset he actually was. He felt it might only make things worse and he was willing to drop the matter if it meant keeping their relationship somewhat on good terms. Lucy agreed with him that it was the best course of action.

"Are you sure?" Susan pressed. "I really hated to see how sad he looked when I told him I couldn't…and I'm not saying I can now. I just want things to be better."

"And they can be," Lucy said, seeing her chance, "if you come with us. Come on, Su. Please? It's not like people won't want to talk to you. Everyone is willing to talk to you. Just come. It won't hurt."

"I can't do it," Susan said, looking suddenly frustrated. "Not if all you're going to talk about is Narnia. Lucy, I've told you a thousand times. Why don't you understand?"

"Because I don't want to just let it go," Lucy said, feeling almost desperate. "Susan, we hardly ever talk any more and if I bring up the slightest mention of Narnia you stop talking to me. I know I shouldn't do it but I can't help it. Narnia is part of who I am, who we all are, even if you don't like to think about it. I can't just stop talking about it. I wish you could accept it, look past it if you need to. I just miss how we used to be. I was so happy when we got closer, and I don't think it was to have everything go back to the way it was before Narnia."

Susan stared at Lucy looking frustrated and sad and seemingly unable to come up with anything. Lucy felt as if she could start crying at that very moment, but she held the tears back. "Oh, Lucy," Susan whispered. "I…you know and I know I can't do it. I've tried…" And suddenly Susan had tears falling down her face, not very fast, but more like a trickle, as if she were holding some back. "I can't keep trying for someone that won't…someone that…"

"Someone that what?" Lucy asked, her voice unsteady. She knew Susan was talking about Aslan and it broke Lucy's heart that Susan thought Aslan had done something unforgivable.

Susan only shook her head. "I can't go, Lucy," she said, wiping the tears from her face and trying to give her sister a small smile. "Perhaps we can spend time together after you get back, before school starts. What do you say?"

Lucy sighed, knowing that this was as far as she was going to get with Susan. She felt, somehow, that she had failed. She tried to comfort herself by pointing out that Susan did want to spend time with her, but it still wasn't enough. "Sure," she said, trying not to show how disappointed in the whole situation she really was. "When I get back I'll call." She stood up, sensing that the conversation and visit had come to a close.

Susan stood too and walked her to the door. "I hope you have a good time," she said, meaning it.

"You can still come, you know," Lucy said. "If you change your mind. You know where the Professor's new house it, don't you?" Susan nodded. "Good. And if not, I'll be sure to call when I get back."

Susan smiled. "Have a good time, then. Tell Peter and Edmund I say hello."

"I will." And then the door was closed and Lucy was on the other side, feeling alone.

She didn't want to go and tell her brothers that she had accomplished next to nothing, because she knew they were expecting that sort of news.

Still, she went home and told them, because she couldn't lie, and they had to know, and even though they knew they were right they ignored the fact as much as Lucy wanted it to be ignored.

Lucy thanked Aslan that her family still in some ways retained the great qualities they had gained in Narnia. And she trusted Him to make things right in the end. Even if it took their whole lives.


	15. Peter

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or Narnia. They belong to C.S. Lewis. **

**Author's Note: I'm extremely happy because I've seen the first Narnia movie twice this week, and it helps. Also, working on this is a great escape from schoolwork, of which there has been lots since it's just after midterms. I might have failed my math one...Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Only two more chapters to go...  
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_Late summer 1949_

Peter couldn't say he was surprised that Susan wasn't going to go with them. He had expected it. For Lucy's sake, he and Edmund hadn't said "I told you so" or anything like that. They comforted her instead and told her that perhaps Susan would come around.

Later, when Lucy was asleep and Peter and Edmund should have been asleep, Peter found himself still awake and wondering. He turned to Edmund, who was reading, and asked, "Since when did we lose faith in our sister?"

Edmund looked up. "When we became a bit more realistic about things," he answered. "Why?"

"We've never done that before," Peter said. "Not in England, before Narnia, not when we were in Narnia. Why should we do so now? I think that's part of the problem."

Edmund sighed and put down the book. "I think…" He was quiet for a minute, as if he was trying to gather his thoughts. "I don't want to lose faith in Susan. I really don't, but every time something happens I can't help but have a little less. I've never been like Lucy, or you, and to a certain extent I can't help feeling that way. I haven't lost all hope. It's just harder to feel now."

Peter nodded. He knew the feeling, knew that his own faith was wearing thin and he had a feeling that even Lucy was feeling it. But Lucy would never give up, Lucy would never completely lose hope and thinking of her, Peter felt inspired. "I think we should try our best, though," he said. "Susan needs encouragement. I mean, if Lucy isn't going to lose hope then I'm not either. I don't care if it takes years. Decades, even. Eventually she has to come around."

"Susan's a stubborn person," Edmund said. "I wouldn't have high expectations. You're bound to be disappointed. I think that's why Susan is the way she is. She expected that Narnia would last forever and it didn't. And she isn't as good at dealing with those sorts of things."

"Are you saying that we just give up on her?" Peter was becoming angry. He knew he shouldn't, because Edmund was right, but he didn't like it.

"No. I'm saying that we should…expect the worst and hope for the best. It might be less hurtful that way."

"Poor Lucy," Peter said, suddenly. "She'll never be able to think that way. She'll get hurt a lot if this keeps up. She already has."

"Lucy always moves on," Edmund said. "That's part of what makes her Lucy. It's what Susan doesn't have, but what she needs. She needs to realize…"

They were silent. Peter knew what Edmund was thinking. Susan needed to realize that she hadn't been abandoned in England. That Aslan was here, too, and even when it seemed like he wasn't Susan still wasn't alone. She had her family. She needed to realize that the place didn't matter nearly as much as they all made out. Instead it was who was there. And Susan hadn't realized it yet.

"I don't know how," Peter said.

Edmund didn't say anything. It was because he, too, didn't know how to change things from the way they were. None of them knew. Not even Susan.

* * *

Still, Peter was never one to leave things alone when they needed to be fixed. When it came to his siblings, he was persistent to no end.

He knew he wanted to have a talk with Susan. He knew she wouldn't go with them to the Professor's, and she didn't. Lucy was sad, but not for long. They found themselves distracted by the appearance of a Narnian that not only alerted them to the fact that Narnia was in trouble, but also gave Peter hope. Narnia wasn't completely lost to them after all.

Furthermore, the appearance had led to a plan. Eustace and Jill were to go to Narnia by way of special rings that Professor Kirke had used to get to Narnia when he was younger. (It was actually an accident, but that is another story for another time.) The rings had been buried at his childhood home in London, and it was Peter and Edmund's job to get the rings. In a few days' time, Jill and Eustace (along with the Professor, Polly, and Lucy) would meet them at the train station nearest the Pevensies' house. They would return to the house and then Eustace and Jill would use the rings to get to Narnia.

Peter and Edmund would disguise themselves as workers to get the rings. Edmund seemed glad of something to do, and Peter felt excited at the possibility of once again being connected to Narnia, even if he wasn't actually going. He still wanted to know what was going on. He still worried about Narnia a lot. They all did.

Lucy wanted to go as well, but Peter told her it would be harder for her to be in disguise, and it was probably easier for less people to dig up the rings anyway, otherwise it would look suspicious.

Before he left, Lucy grabbed him by the arm and looked up at him with a very serious expression on her face. "Peter," she said, "can you please talk to Susan? She should know about this, even if she doesn't want to be involved."

Peter nodded, partly because he couldn't refuse Lucy anything and partly because he _had_ wanted to tell Susan. They said their goodbyes and Peter left feeling a bit relieved—he now had a very good reason to call Susan. Lucy had asked him to.

As soon as Peter got home he found himself busy with plans. He and Edmund went out in search of workmen's suits and found them, eventually, in a thrift shop. Peter had the address of the Professor's old house, and tomorrow they would go and dig up the rings. They got home after dark and Edmund suggested they go to bed early so that they could set out early the next day. They would have a better chance of not being discovered that way.

Peter told his brother that he would be upstairs in a bit. Edmund left without question. Perhaps he knew what Peter wanted to do, or perhaps he didn't want to know. Either way Peter was grateful.

He picked up the phone and hesitated. Would that be good enough? He thought about going to Susan's flat. It wasn't so far. And she couldn't avoid him there. He sighed. He hung up the phone.

Twenty minutes later he was standing in front of Susan's door. He didn't come here often, but he felt that maybe he should have. He knocked three times. Susan opened the door, looking tired and shocked.

"Peter!" she said, and then she laughed. "I shouldn't really be surprised. Lucy came around the other day. Come in."

Peter did so. He didn't say anything. He wasn't sure where to start or really how to start.

Susan turned to him and her expression was suddenly serious and a little apprehensive, as though she wasn't looking forward to something. "You've come here to talk about that place, haven't you?" she asked, her voice quiet. Peter nodded. "I knew it. That's all you ever want to talk about these days." She went into the area next to her kitchen and sat at the table. Peter sat down next to her.

"Someone appeared from Narnia," Peter told her, "while we were at Professor Kirke's house. Narnia is in trouble and…we've come up with a plan to get Jill and Eustace to go. You see, there are these rings…"

"Stop," Susan interrupted, holding up her hand. "Peter, I don't want to know. I don't care if Narnia is real or fake or if it's in trouble. I don't want to know about Narnia right now. It doesn't matter. It was when we were children, and having someone else go to Narnia isn't going to change the fact that we can't go. I don't want to know."

Peter sighed. "Fine," he said, after a moment. "Then I want to ask you something else. What happened to us?"

Susan stared at him. "What do you mean? I talk to you all, but all you seem to want to talk about is Narnia, and I don't want that."

"I-we can't help it," Peter said. "We can't forget it. I don't think you can, either. Even before we knew that was the problem you started drifting away from us. Lucy noticed it first. Do you really hate the idea of Narnia so much that you were willing to forget us along with it?"

Susan shuddered and she looked shocked that Peter could say such a thing. And then she became angry. "I haven't forgotten anyone!" she snapped. "I've just grown up and you would do well to do the same. Do you know what you're going to do with your life? Or have you been thinking about Narnia so much that you _forgot_ to think about what's really here, in England."

"Susan," Peter said, startled by the sudden outburst. "I'm trying the best I can. We all are. Why can't we think about both worlds?"

"Because you only live in _one_!" Susan cried, standing. Peter stood, too, feeling as though Susan had punched him in the stomach and slapped him across the face. "Peter, you all are acting ridiculous! You're trying to save a world that doesn't even _care_ about you anymore!"

"They do care. And I care."

"Then why did Aslan send you here?" Susan asked, her voice raised to near-yelling point. "Narnia doesn't need you anymore. _Aslan_ doesn't care about you anymore. And you shouldn't care about them either."

Peter paled. He took a deep, shaky breath, not sure what to do and not sure that anything he did could help. "So that's it, then. You think He doesn't care?"

"Just leave!" Susan grabbed his arm and forced him to the door and out into the hallway. "Just leave! I don't want to talk to you until you've stopped this nonsense!"

"Susan, we should really-" But the door was slammed in his face and Peter stood there, unable to move. Then he realized what had happened. Somehow, in trying to make everything better, he as good as lost Susan.

The tears didn't stop as he drove home, didn't stop when he came into the house, and didn't stop even as he dragged himself to bed. Edmund had apparently waited up for him, and upon seeing Peter asked sharply, "What happened?"

Peter shook his head and wiped the tears away, frustrated. He wasn't sure if he was upset at himself or whether he was sad because of the way Susan felt towards Aslan. "I think I made things worse."

"It wasn't your fault," Edmund said. "What did she say?"

Peter told him, and Edmund seemed angry. He didn't say anything about Susan, though, but rather told Peter that he had done all he could and it wasn't his fault.

"I promised Lucy I would talk to her," Peter said. He was no longer crying, but he felt hollow and a deep sense of sadness had come over him. "And then things got worse."

"You need to sleep," Edmund told him. "I'm sure Lucy would understand."

Lucy _would_ understand, but that wasn't the point. Still, Peter took Edmund's advice and went to sleep. Or at least tried to.

No matter how much he tried not to think, he found himself mourning for Susan.


	16. Edmund

**Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or Narnia. They belong to C.S. Lewis. **

**Author's Note: Only one more chapter to go... Thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed! I hope you enjoy this one, and it shouldn't be too long until the next one. **

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**_Late summer 1949_

The morning came, and it was bright and beautiful and warm. Not too hot and not too cool. Edmund reflected that it was the perfect day to attempt an adventure to Narnia. After all, it was so nice outside that he was reminded, for the first time in a long time, of that far away land he used to be a king of.

Slowly, without disturbing his brother, Edmund got up and got dressed. He was very quiet about it, deliberately letting Peter sleep longer. Or, more accurately, Edmund had gotten up earlier. He didn't want Peter to know what he was doing. Luckily for him, Peter was a heavy sleeper. He was out of the room and downstairs without being noticed.

His parents had been away, so he didn't have to worry about them. He made his way into the kitchen and straight to the telephone. He picked it up. He couldn't quite believe he was doing this, since he and Susan hadn't been on the best terms. Not to mention that Susan was upset with Peter. Still, he felt that he needed to do this. He wanted to say it was for Peter, or for Lucy. Really, he knew it was also for himself.

Edmund dialled the number and felt slightly guilty that it wasn't so familiar to him. Then again, neither was Susan, even though she used to be. He held the phone to his ear and listened as it rang. Then a soft voice asked, "Hello?"

"Hello, Susan?" Edmund answered. "It's me, Edmund."

"I know." Susan sighed. "Are you going to yell at me about Peter?"

At first, Edmund had wanted to yell at her, to ask her how she could do such a thing. And then he thought better of it. He couldn't blame her for losing faith in Aslan, it wasn't hard in this sometimes God-forsaken place, and he had done so much worse in the past.

"I just don't understand," Edmund admitted. "At first I was angry, but I really can't be, can I? That doesn't change what you did, you know. You're hurting Peter and Lucy."

"How so?" Susan asked. She sounded oddly hurt.

Edmund's grip on the phone tightened. "You can't tell them things like Narnia isn't real, or Aslan isn't here. Lucy might never loose faith, but it hurts her to think that you could. And Peter is terribly worried about you, and he's beating himself up over it as if it's his fault you don't think Aslan cares. It isn't. You know that. You know you can't yell at them because all they've tried to do is help."

"Then who do I yell at?" Susan asked. "Are you blaming me?"

"No." Edmund wished he could see her face just to know what she was thinking, although he could tell how upset she was by her voice. "I can't blame anyone except this…place. England. This world. Aslan is less present here."

"Then it's his fault," Susan concluded.

"No," Edmund said, more forcefully this time. "It isn't His fault. It's _ours_. Well, not ours as in 'you and I', though it could be. It's everyone that never made an effort to show others how great life is like Lucy does, everyone who never gave people a fair shot at life, everyone who was cruel and harsh and greedy and…everyone who has started a war for the wrong reasons. It's no small wonder that people don't believe. People have done this to us, to ourselves."

"Then he could have stopped it," Susan whispered.

"We are free to make our own decisions," Edmund pointed out. "That's why I betrayed you and Aslan never stopped it. That's why it was better when I repented, because no one was making me and I actually _meant_ it."

There was silence on the other line. Then Susan asked, "Has it ever occurred to you that Peter and Lucy have been hurting _me_?"

Edmund was taken aback by this. No, it hadn't occurred to him. Peter and Lucy would never hurt Susan. At least, not on purpose. And perhaps they hadn't realised…Had they really? Had _he_? "I—no, Susan, I actually didn't."

"Well, they have," Susan said. "I don't think they mean to, but I hate getting into arguments with them."

"Oh, well," Edmund muttered, at a loss for words. Then, "Have I? Hurt you?"

"Yes!" Susan cried. "I hate to see you disappointed because you hardly ever look disappointed at us, yet you seem disappointed in _me_. I don't want that but I can't help it, you know I can't. I can't bring myself to forgive…"

"I'm sorry," Edmund said. He wanted to reach out and touch her shoulder in a rare gesture of comfort. "I really am. But, Susan, I…" He found he couldn't say anything. He _was_ disappointed. He thought, perhaps, that she would have more faith. He knew he shouldn't have felt that, but it was Aslan they were talking about. "It's _Aslan_."

"Exactly." Susan's voice was hard and bitter. Edmund was silent as he took this in. At first he didn't know what she meant. Then he remembered how shocked Susan had been at their exile from Narnia, and then how Lucy, upon leaving for her last time, had said that it wasn't Narnia, but Aslan that she would miss the most. And Edmund realised that Susan must not have properly separated the two, must not have figured out that Aslan was everywhere. No, she kept on thinking that He was only in one place. When Aslan sent her from Narnia He was exiling her from _Him_. And she didn't know how He could have done such a thing to her, when she needed Him.

Edmund now knew all of this and he was sad for it. He had a feeling that Peter had figured this out as well, and this was why he had been so sad whenever Susan was mentioned. And all he could say, rather breathlessly, was "Oh, Susan" because she had no idea how wrong she was. But how to explain it to her? She needed solid proof and she couldn't get it, not anymore at least. Not unless…

"Aren't you going to say anything more?" Susan asked. "Or shall we end this conversation?"

There was a hope, but a small one. If only Susan would… "Susan, come with Peter and I to the train station. We're going to have the Professor and Polly and Eustace and Jill, and of course Lucy. And they can tell you things about Narnia, how it is now, and what really happened when they were told they wouldn't go back and how they adjusted here. You haven't listened properly to us, and we need to tell you…even if you don't want to hear it. We'll all be there and we would never lie to you."

"Edmund…" Susan's voice was a warning for him to stop.

"Please?" Edmund was just short of begging because he now knew, and somehow he found he really wanted this just as much as Peter or Lucy wanted this. He hated making himself vulnerable to Susan's answer, to her reactions, but he found he couldn't help doing so after everything that had happened.

"No," Susan snapped. "Why don't you concentrate on your schoolwork and I'll concentrate on my life and we'll get along fine, all right? I'm done with this. You don't understand."

"Susan, I really do," Edmund tried to explain, but Susan cut him off.

"No, you don't. I have to go. Good bye."

"Su-" She hung up. Edmund held the phone in his hands, staring at it in disbelief, before he replaced it on the cradle. Then he turned his back to it and sighed.

At least no one knew about this. It would have been a lot harder if he had promised Lucy or Peter, or even just told them about it. At least now he could keep it to himself. He was alone, for now, and he wept silently for Susan. He wasn't sure what was worse: that she believed Aslan had betrayed her or that he couldn't properly help her.

After a few moments Edmund's hitching breaths calmed down and he wiped his eyes thoroughly. It was high time he woke Peter up. He made his way out of the kitchen, up the stairs, and into his room.

The sun illuminated the room beautifully, making everything bright and pure looking. For some reason, Edmund was reminded of Aslan and his heart ached. He missed Aslan and wanted Him now more than ever. Then his eyes found Peter, whose hair burned gold in the sunlight. He looked very much like the High King with the light surrounding him and Edmund smiled. There was hope.

He stood by the door for quite awhile, just watching the sunlight pour in and make the room and everything in it brilliant. Then he came to himself, feeling a little better. He walked over to his brother and shook him lightly by his shoulder.

Peter groaned and then looked tiredly up at Edmund, half awake. Suddenly his eyes widened, then returned to normal as he shook his head and stretched. "It's so bright in here," he mumbled.

"What was that all about?" Edmund asked.

"I don't know," Peter said, standing. "You looked quite like you were in Narnia for a moment."

Edmund grinned. "I was thinking the same about you when you were asleep."

"Shall we be going then?"

"As soon as you're dressed."

Peter dressed and the two ate a light breakfast. Peter seemed to hesitate as they headed for the front door and then said, "Should we call Susan?"

Edmund shook his head. "I've called her. She doesn't want to come."

"Oh." Peter looked disappointed, and Edmund found himself glad that his older brother hadn't spoken to Susan again. He wanted Peter to be happy today.

"Come on," he said, grabbing the keys to the car and opening the front door. Sunlight spilled into the hallway. "We've got a train to catch."

Peter grinned. "This should be fun."

Together the two brothers walked out into the beautiful day and started their journey to the train station.

_There was still hope. _


End file.
